Precious 2011

My Mom's a Genius: How to feed Meds to Your Baby

This method only works if your baby uses a pacifier. And if your baby isn't the kind to cry at the taste of medicine.

Basically, give your baby the pacifier, only halfway into the mouth and push it slightly to the side to keep her mouth open.

Using the syringe (or whatever medicine feeding thingamajig you have), squirt a little of the medicine in and push the pacifier right into the mouth right after. This will activate her suckling reflex and so instead of spitting out, she will swallow.

Repeat until you've managed to give her the recommended dosage.

Some of the liquid will still come out but it helps keep more in than it usually would.

And yes, my mom came up with this while we were trying to give Hana some gripe water yesterday. Genius! :)

Of Having a Bun in the Oven

It's almost week 38, and I realise that I haven't yet expressed how almost being a mother makes me feel. They're all there - the feelings - all mixed up. I'm scared, excited, super happy, contented, all choked up - my feelings, having a hell of a party.

It's just such an amazing feeling, and it's certainly been an amazing journey so far. Having this little living, breathing, kicking bundle of joy inside my womb - it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. Everytime I feel her move, everytime she kicks, every little hiccup makes me so happy and I thank Allah everyday for the chance to live it.

For more than nine months, I've been responsible, not only for myself, but for her. She's probably the most important person in my life, and she hasn't even come out yet. I haven't even seen or met her yet, and I already feel more love for this little person than for some of the people I've known almost my whole life.

I have no idea what kind of mother I'm going to make. It scares me that I'm going to be responsible for every single little thing that she goes through when she comes out. I'm terrified of how I'm going to handle her getting sick, or being upset, or getting hurt. I'm absolutely terrified of not being ready to accept such a big responsibility, but I'm certainly gonna do my best for my little baby.

To my friends who read this blog, if I don't manage to say this before I go into the labour room, I hope you forgive me for any wrongdoings I've ever committed throughout the years we've known each other. I hope you can spare some time to pray for my little baby H and I, that we both come out of the labour room safe and healthy. :)

Week 30

My Updates:
I'm in my third trimester already. How time flies! Anyway, the growth of my belly has started to take a toll on my body, sebab my back hurts and I find it hard to sleep every night. Suggestions from my moms like sleeping on my side with pillows supporting my back and front doesn't seem to work, neither does elevating my feet.

My feet belum swell lagi, but it's too early to celebrate. We'll see in a few weeks.

I keep getting sharp pains on the bottom of my abdomen. When I asked my obgyn about it, he told me not to walk around so much, which is the total opposite of what everyone else has been telling me. Dia kata "Orang tua2 memang suka suruh jalan banyak2, but it's not necessary". Well, he's the expert kan? But the funny thing was, the first thing I did after that checkup was to go jalan2 with my sisters. Degil. LOL

The baby's updates:
The baby has grown tremendously. I read that the starting of the third trimester usually means that the baby's movements aren't all that vigorous anymore, since there's less space in the uterus. Tapi does my little princess know that? Of course not! She's moving even more vigorously than before, if that's even possible. Degil kot macam mommy dia. :P

I've also more or less been able to figure out her sleeping patterns. She sleeps after Subuh, and ONLY after Subuh! I wake up at around 6.15-6.30, at which point she's usually still active. Habis around 6.45, wake hubby up and baring2 while he gets ready. By the time he's ready to leave, she's sleepy and moving a lot less. I usually fall back asleep when my husband has left for work, around 7.30, and wake up around 9.30. That's the only time she sleeps. If this pattern continues after birth, habisla!

Anyway, this is what she's supposed to look like about now, which i think is so comel:



Picture taken from Babycenter

Checkup at 16 weeks

I went for my fourth checkup today. Since my doctor scans the baby at every checkup, both moms decided to accompany me to see their first cucu for themselves :)

Anyway, everything's fine. I gained less than a kg since the last checkup, but I'm told it's normal cuz I'm still in my early stages.

And as usual, we moved on to the ultrasound, and I the moms were even more excited than I was. They were ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the image, and all I could do was smile like a dummy because it's just so amazing!

The thought of this tiny person growing inside my womb, the sight of his/her little fingers and toes, that little heartbeat and how actively he/she was moving around? I guess I was juat in awe of everything. He/she is growing at a normal rate, consistent with the expected due date. Very healthy, I think, Alhamdulillah.

It's still too early to tell the gender, but hopefully, by next month we'll be able to.

And for some reason, I still find it hard to believe I'm gonna be a mom! :D

Finding Out

This is more of an attempt for me to record some important moments in my life than actually about telling people how it happened, so you're really not obliged to read this boring tale of how I found out I was pregnant. (I'm exactly 14 weeks along today by calculations, by the way. WOOHOO! Officially the Second Trimester!)


So anyway, it was sometime in December. (This is kinda horrible of me, but I don't really remember the exact date). I had been having extreme hormonal issues (as some of you could attest, due to my extremely emo statuses on Facebook - I eventually deleted the thing sebab menyampah sangat). Basically, my tummy was hurting, my moods were swinging faster than the revolving swings at amusement parks. I was snapping at everyone. And I MEAN everyone. the husband, toll gate operators, drivers on the road, cashiers. Suffice to say, I was a total bitch. heh.

I took a pregnancy test but it was negative.

So he took me to our GP since I was hurting on the right side of my abdomen. After getting checked and telling him all of the symptoms, the GP asked my if I was pregnant. Tolh him I took a test 2 weeks before the visit, and he said then I probably wasn't pregnant. He said that it was most probably another cyst, and that there was nothing he could do to help with the symptoms and the only way for it to get better was for me to get pregnant. So of course, I went home very frustrated, and spent that night crying to poor hubby about how I couldn't stand having to go through it my whole life. Dramatic kan? haha.

Anyway, two days later, while unpacking (we had just moved from mom's house into our own) I found an extra pregnancy test and decided, for the heck of it, to just take it.

You know how when you REALLY want a baby, after peeing on that stick, you kinda hold your breath and can't wait to look, and your heart beats really really fast and you're hoping and hoping and hoping, and then only one line shows up and you feel this intense disappointment?

I felt none of that.

I took the test, left the bathroom and continued with unpacking, and promptly forgot about it. Then I went back into the bathroom and there were TWO LINES. Not one. TWO.

I rushed over to the computer, where the only person online I could panic about it to was my sister (Epol was in a meeting, so his gtalk read "idle" - nevertheless, I pmed him anyway and sent a frantic, panicked message about how I took a test and it was positive). She was really excited but I was weary because I had read about false positives.

Epol came back online, we discussed it and he came back that day with extra kits. LOL. I took one that night, and another the next morning, both positive, so I went back to my GP who was really excited for us. But he told us that I should get an ultrasound scan right away which was quite unorthodox. Wouldn't tell us why exactly, but he did say that it was because of my condition.

I suspected that he was worried about how the pregnancy might be ectopic, since I was having pains on the right side of my abdomen.

So Epol took that friday off and we went to Dr Idris in TTDI, explained what my GP said, and he did a scan, and lo and behold. There was the pregnancy sac, right in the middle of my uterus, right where it was supposed to be.

I think only Allah knows how I felt at that exact moment. It was almost a miracle for me. Merely two or three days before, I thought that I would never ever get pregnant, and there it was, proving me wrong.

And that was how I found out I was pregnant. And now here, I am in my 14th week.

Shorts

1. I'm 9 weeks pregnant

2. I had my 2nd ultrasound last week. The baby is doing good. It's the size of a grape, and it's got a tiny little heart that beats like a champion :P It's the cutest thing in the world, seriously (or maybe that's just me, cuz it's my baby and it's living in me). It's got hands and feet, but no fingers or toes yet.

3. The morning sickness persists. It's not bad, but it's not great either. As soon as the nausea pill runs out of my system, I get nauseated all over again.

4. I haven't been craving anything much. In fact, for some reason, the thought of food sometimes makes me wanna throw up.

5. No weight gain either. Yes, I know I look tembam, but the tembam came before the baby.

6. but I've got massive lower back pains, esp at night! It's a good thing that my husband seems to be an awesome untrained masseuse though :P

And that's about it! :)

The Reveal

Cheh, the title sounds poyo kan? haha, whatever.

Anyway, here it goes, we're expecting!

It's been 7 and a half weeks so It's really really new. To my friends out there, please doakan that the three of us will make it safe and sound yeah?

So far I've had a mild to moderate case of morning sickness ("morning"? lies i tell you, lies!), sleepless nights, backaches, extreme mood swings (I cried for three hours over assam laksa. like seriously, how emotional can you get over food?) and the inability to smell certain scents (i.e: my neighbour's cooking and it's bad cuz she seems to cook the same thing e.v.e.r.y.s.i.n.g.l.e.w.e.e.k.d.a.y.m.o.r.n.i.n.g), but I'm healthy so far, and thinking about what's to come makes it all worth it!

So yeah, there's my big news, it's also a major reason why I deactivated my facebook - initially it was because I was excited and didn't want to reveal it before letting some of my best friends know about it first.

I was also getting annoyed by some idiots - posts, liking things they should not be liking, stuff like that, so i figured before I gave them nasty, nasty messages on facebook, it was better for me to step back until my moodswings are over.

I know that some of the people who found out early were dying to let it out, because someone actually posted a status without actually revealing who it was! hehe, thanks darlings for keeping it secret this long.

There are still a few important people who don't know the news yet. Hopefully, they'll read this and find out soon.

So again, please doakan that baby, mommy AND dad will all make it through this, safe, sound, healthy and sane. Thanks!

Cik

Cik (a name we call our grandma - well, technically, she's our grandaunt but we think of her as a second grandma to us, she's been taking care of all of us for so long) was admitted to the hospital three days ago.

On Sunday, she suddenly ran a high fever, and, worried, they sent her to the emergency unit of PPUM. Her blood-sugar level was super high, and they had to keep her monitored. She arrived at around 7++ on Sunday, and on Monday when I came at 12, she was still down there. They only put her into a proper ward that evening, around 5pm.

As it turned out, she had gotten hypothermia a few times over the last few days. Taking diagnosis into her own hands, she decided to stop injecting her insulin, since everytime she took it, the hypothermia would come.

Little did she know that the real cause of the hypothermia was the fact that, although she regularly took her insulin, she did not eat properly. Tak lalu, katanya.
That's why the hypothermia attacked.

After deciding to stop taking her insulin, she also decided to suck on some sugar cubes to prevent the hypo. Six, to be exact. When anyone else with diabetes would only bite off a small chunk off the edge, she sucked on 6 sugar cubes.

And so, without insulin, and with the help of the six sugar cubes, her blood-sugar level shot up sky-high, bringing her body temperature with it. She was incoherent, she couldn't recognise anyone, and was almost comatose.

And that was how she ended up in the hospital. Haih.. I told her to make sure that the next time she made such conclusions, she should ask someone knowledgeable about it so that something like this won't happen again. Dahla tangan kanan dia patah.

I dunno. She looks like she's recovering now, but I'm really worried about her.

Girls' Day Out

Today was a pretty special day for my sisters and I.

After almost four months of recovery, mama is finally healthy enough to keluar jalan-jalan with us. Yay! Therefore, we decided to have a full girls' day out. Hehe. Walaupun technically two of us aren't really all that girly no more, tapi nak jugak panggil girls' day out.

As usual, I'm a lazybum, so even though I've got an awesome HD camera on my phone, I still failed to take any photos.

So anyway, it started out with a visit to the hospital - my grandma was admitted two days ago due to high blood-sugar levels (that's a story for another post, if I actually get around to writing it), where we made her (my grandma) giggle with our antics. Like seriously, when we arrived she had this really sad look on her face, and then everything was serious for a while, but when her lunch came, we were arguing over who could feed her the best and laughing at each other, and she was giggling sambil makan. Selera pulak tu, siap habis licin semua. We made sure she was comfy, and then Yaya complained that she was hungry, so we left.

The next stop was The Curve where we had ayam penyet, and then jalan-jalan and run errands and by petang, Yaya was craving for meatballs pulak so off to IKEA we went.

Lepas tu balik.

Yes, it sounds boring, but when you haven't spent time with your mom outside of the house in a while, even jalan-jalan is loads of fun.

Plus, I got a pretty shawl out of it.

So yeah, a perfect GDO.

Mama yang lagi satu :)

We got the keys to our apartment last week. One step closer to being independent.

For the last few years, we rented the unit out because things haven't been all that stable for the both of us, financially. But living with in-laws isn't easy, and I imagine that living with your parents when you have a spouse is equally difficult.

I love my mom-in-law almost like I love my own mom.

Make no mistake about that.

But living together means a lot of sacrifices, on her part and on ours. I'm pretty sure that it is just as difficult (maybe even more) for her to be living with her son and daughter-in-law. Differences of opinion, accidental hurt feelings are bound to happen whether we realise it or not.

At the end of the day, we just have different habits, different stands, different views on life.

And as grown adults, a part of us wants to feel what it's like to be independent. We're getting there, Insyallah, thanks, in no small part to her. She's practically given us the ticket for us to start the rest of our lives, and I will forever be grateful to her for that.

I have no idea if you're reading this or not, but thanks mama, for everything - for receiving me into your life, for trusting me with your son's heart, for forgiving us for our mistakes and wrongdoings, for your continuous efforts in guiding us towards become better people.

On to Better Things

After 5 years, I've decided to put on the tudung again. I've had my share of perceived fun and freedom (and it's true, a non tudung wearer does have more fun and a lot more freedom compared to someone who does) but now I'm married (almost 3 years) and we're trying to conceive and if I intend on being a role model to my kids, something has to change.

The decision didn't come easy, though. I thought hard about it over almost two months. The desire came sometime in the beginning of Ramadhan, but I wasn't sure. As most people who knows me are aware, I used to wear the tudung for a while, but decided to take it off. I did not want history to repeat itself, and so I decided to sit on it.
There were some things I thought I wanted to do first before I did it.

I know some would say that that type of change doesn't come from the heart. That to be truly 'ikhlas' I should have just woken up one day and done it without thinking about anything else. I disagree. I know myself. When it comes to decisions, my strongest comes after a lot of thinking, not a spur of the moment thing. Honestly, been there, done that. I was at Matriculation and I had to put on the tudung, and I just thought "I'm just gonna put it on, since I already have it on". Clearly, that didn't work and my decision was shortlived. So here, I want to clarify for anyone who might think that my decision is not ikhlas, I believe that mine was very much so, simply because I deemed it too important to just do. Simply because I wanted to think about it and deliberate, and BE ABSOLUTELY SURE. And now I am.

I never ever anticipated the overwhelming response I received: From my husband, mom and my sisters, to my mother-in-law, to two of my best friends, Baya and Julie (who, coincidentally, was struggling to make the same decisions as well) and to an unexpected source of encouragement, someone who I had just met sometime in July, Adnin.

I received links, support, encouragement, shopping trips and styling tips. And all this was before I put it on!

And when I finally made this decision, I received compliments and hugs. Although I was terrified and worried that I wouldn't be able to cope, the support I received has made me even surer than ever that this is the path I want to and should take.

Hopefully, with this change, I'm moving on to better things.

A Short Tribute

When I was 19, my heart got broken. At around 2am in the morning. I walked over to where mama was sleeping peacefully, and for the first time in god knows how many years, cuddled up to her. She woke up, and blearily asked me what was wrong. I just burst out crying.

I remember her hugging me tightly, telling me everything was gonna be okay. I think she knew what must've happened. It was my first real heartbreak, and she was there for me.

So here's to the most beautiful woman in the world. Love you, Mama.

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

My Sister's Keeper, in my opinion, was definitely written from the heart. From the first moment I picked it up, three days ago, I couldn't seem to put it down. To me, the book was not written to impress scholars and geniuses. It wasn't filled with big words or clever little cliches, and yet, it was beautiful. I didn't have to use contextual clues, or pick up my dictionary to understand what she was trying to say, and yet, somehow, the way the single words fell into sentences and the sentences, into paragraphs made the story so enticing and so easy to read.

Normally, books which are not chronological, or skip from the point of view of one character to another would make bore and and confuse me, and I usually end up giving up on understanding or trying to get through it altogether. Yet, My Sister's Keeper has both of those, and managed to keep me hooked until the very end.

I loved it. The ending, ironic and heartbreaking at the same time, took me by surprise and made me cry. The only thing I could think about as I was reading it were my two beautiful little sisters and how it would kill me if anything like that happened to any of them.

It's safe to say that from now on, I'll probably be picking up more books by the author for my little collection. I'm gonna end this post with one of the most beautiful lines in the book:

"I have only known her for two years. but if you took every memory, every moment if you stretched them end to end - they'd reach forever." -Sara, about Kate

p/s: I know the book was made into a movie, but I'm not sure I want to watch it, because I found out that they cut out one of the major characters from the book and changed the ending. We'll see.

Hot Chocolate Pots

Last week, I made some chocolate pots, just to try out the recipe. They're basically gooey chocolate goodness in little ramekin pots. For the life of me, I can't seem to find any ramekins over here, and since the recipe doesn't require any baking, I dug up some of my mom-in-law's cute little white teacups and decided to put them in those.

It's an extremely easy recipe which takes less than 5 minutes to make, but Epol and mama suka. Last night, Epol asked me when I was gonna make some more, and since the last time, I only used half of the ingredients, I decided to just finish the other half today.

No pictures, but they basically looked like these:



(I took this picture from Easy French Food, tapi the recipe is not the same)

After pouring the mixture into the cups, I saw that there was quite a bit of residue stuck in the pot and the ladle, so I just reheated the stove, poured in some milk, and voila, hot chocolate.

This was the first time I made my own hot chocolate, and let me tell you, I was very pleasantly surprised that it tasted just like the ones I love at Starbucks! :D

So yeah, byebye Starbucks, hello homemade hot chocolate.

I feel all warm, happy and sleepy now...

My Darlings

These beautiful girls are my sisters. I know they look older than me, but they're actually younger than me. Perasan kan? Biarla, It's not everyday I get to be perasan. Siapa suruh diorang pegi jadi lagi tinggi drpd saya?

Anyway, I digress. I love these two girls sangat sangat sangat. One is pursuing her degree in the east coast, which is as far away as i hope any of them will ever be from me. The other one decided to surprise me one fine day, all finished with SPM, all fabulous and tall and beautiful and not the little annoying baby with pudgy cute little fingers anymore that i used to stare at whenever she was asleep.

Sure, we had our little sibling fights dulu2 sampai baling kotak tissue and pukul2 and "bodoh"s semua, but they're still my bestest ever friends and I sayang them with all my heart. :)

Of checkups and wake-up calls

Those who know me personally will know that a few months ago, I had an appendicitis operation (have I mentioned that here before? I forget. I've got the memory of a goldfish, fyi) after going in to the clinic for painful pangs in my lower right abdomen.

It took me longer than usual to recover from the operation. It seems that there was a mass the size of a fifty-cent coin in there as a result of the operation but since I wasn't feverish, purging or vomiting, my surgeon assumed it was a blood clot.

A few months on, I started feeling the same pangs I did that first day I walked into the hospital to get my surgery done.

So I went to the clinic yesterday (finally! I've been putting it off for ages because I hate clinics) and my doctor referred me to gynae since the area that hurts seems to be where my right ovary is. But no worries, it's just to make sure that it's nothing to be alarmed about aje. Just a confirmation.

Anyway, she asked us when we were gonna have kids, and advised us to have at least one while we're still young so that we'd still be young when they left for uni. I guess she makes a great point at that. I know my clock is already ticking like crazy, so who knows?

InsyaAllah, once we get the apartment we're supposed to get by the end of this year, we'll be able to save up enough for us to live comfortably for three. :)

My husband said this yesterday, and I've already mentioned this, that much I know, but we're really lucky. We came into this marriage, and financially, even though I'm only doing part-time right now, we've never really been in trouble. And up to now, Alhamdulillah, it seems like we've been handed a lot of stuff that other people have to strive and work hard for.

Atuk

My grandfather was a great man. He was successful. He had a horrendous temper which he had no qualms about letting loose as soon as things weren't going his way. I remember, once, during Hari Raya, he had specifically directed the caterers to place their tents in a different place they usually did. The project manager decided she knew better and went with her original plan. That raya was obviously not a very good one for my mom, my uncles and aunt, and, above all, the caterers. Yet, despite that, he was a very kind man. He never hesitated to help anyone who came to him for help. In spite of his ferocious temper, he was loved by his workers. Most of them stayed loyal to him until the day he passed on, and some of them are still very close family friends. That was the kind of impact my grandfather made on the people around him.

I don't have many pictures of him, since my family is not one that takes many photos. We keep our memories in our hearts, and until now, 5 years since he left us, he is still in mine. I remember the way his eyes used to crinkle with amusement whenever I did anything silly. I remember the smell of cigars, and the way he used to smile at me and say "Clever girl!". I remember the way I used to sit on his lap while he caught his favourite shows on tv. I also remember the times when his memory dwindled, closer to his death. He'd sit on his favourite spot on one of the sofas, hold out a hand and go "Allo! Allo!" because he couldn't remember our names. It was the cutest thing ever, and it cracked us up everytime.

Unfortunately, as I grew up, my grandfather drifted further and further away from me. I was (like all) an egocentric adolescent, and I seemed to think the world revolved around me. I was sullen and moody. He was getting sicker and sicker, and most of his time was spent at his third wife's house, where she kept him practically under lock and key.

I loved my grandpa. Even as we drifted away from each other, he would defend me whenever someone spoke of me badly. Even though I was all grown up, I was always his "clever girl". The same baby girl he held in his arms when I was still only a few days old and exclaimed "My first grandchild is going to be clever. She will grow up to be someone".

I really wish that he could be there when I graduate in a month's time. Then again, I'd like to think that he's watching over me, proud of everything I'm doing, of everything that I've achieved, however insignificant, in my 24 years of life.

Of babies and being pregnant

For the past few months, I have been obsessed with looking at photos of a certain adorable little munchkin. Those who know me personally probably know exactly which little diva I'm talking about aye?

Anyway, that's not the point of this post, and before random, overexcited people decide to succumb to those tendencies before even reading this post, I AM NOT PREGNANT. :)

Ever since I got married, I've been PLAGUED with questions of when I intend on getting a little one of my own. I've never really been able to answer the questions since I am not sure myself. What I AM sure of is I am REALLY not ready to be raising a child. Not at my age, financial situation or maturity.

The worst is when, two weeks into my new life, my psycho of an aunt asked me (in a very rude manner, smirking her ass off) "Kau dah bunting ke belum?". Two weeks. I repeat, two weeks after I got married. Obviously, my being married at that so-called young age, and the fact that my family and I kept the wedding plans away from some of my relatives until a few months before the fact prompted the idiot to think that I might have gotten married semi-shotgun. Needless to say, for people like her, there are reasons why we keep some stuff to ourselves.

Back to the topic, up until now, people seem to be waiting with bated breath. Whenever I call in sick, whenever I feel nauseous, whenever I feel like eating something special, whenever I'm slightly late.

Obviously, I do want a baby. In fact, my biological clock is already ticking. Especially when I saw this little darling with her (as described by momma) big round hazel eyes :

*Picture stolen from her mummy


Not now, darlings, not now. I have a world of opportunities waiting out there. I still need to get the career of my dreams. I want to travel. I want to do things I've dreamt of since I was a little girl. I want to spend time with hubby before I have to share him with someone else. I want to learn to salsa. I want to write about my adventures.

I need to establish myself. I need to get my masters and who knows what else?

There's so many things left to do that I'm afraid I might not be able to with a little darling in tow. And if that makes me selfish, then I guess so be it.

I'll get there, I promise. And when I do, you guys will be the first people to know about it. I'll send out a mass email or sms with the good news, and the little baby up there will have a friend for life. Hehe.

But until then, this is me. This is us.

RJ

When I was a baby, my parents went to a toy warehouse sale to buy me some toys. My father threw the budget to the winds, buying so many that my mother was astounded by the amount. She asked him why he was buying so many. He said "Because I never got any of this when I was a kid and I don't want my child to miss out like I did".

15 years ago, something happened that changed my relationship with him.
If I could take those 15 years back and change everything, I would.

Today, he is opening a new restaurant in Bangi. I don't think I remember a time when I've been more proud of my old man.