On to Better Things

After 5 years, I've decided to put on the tudung again. I've had my share of perceived fun and freedom (and it's true, a non tudung wearer does have more fun and a lot more freedom compared to someone who does) but now I'm married (almost 3 years) and we're trying to conceive and if I intend on being a role model to my kids, something has to change.

The decision didn't come easy, though. I thought hard about it over almost two months. The desire came sometime in the beginning of Ramadhan, but I wasn't sure. As most people who knows me are aware, I used to wear the tudung for a while, but decided to take it off. I did not want history to repeat itself, and so I decided to sit on it.
There were some things I thought I wanted to do first before I did it.

I know some would say that that type of change doesn't come from the heart. That to be truly 'ikhlas' I should have just woken up one day and done it without thinking about anything else. I disagree. I know myself. When it comes to decisions, my strongest comes after a lot of thinking, not a spur of the moment thing. Honestly, been there, done that. I was at Matriculation and I had to put on the tudung, and I just thought "I'm just gonna put it on, since I already have it on". Clearly, that didn't work and my decision was shortlived. So here, I want to clarify for anyone who might think that my decision is not ikhlas, I believe that mine was very much so, simply because I deemed it too important to just do. Simply because I wanted to think about it and deliberate, and BE ABSOLUTELY SURE. And now I am.

I never ever anticipated the overwhelming response I received: From my husband, mom and my sisters, to my mother-in-law, to two of my best friends, Baya and Julie (who, coincidentally, was struggling to make the same decisions as well) and to an unexpected source of encouragement, someone who I had just met sometime in July, Adnin.

I received links, support, encouragement, shopping trips and styling tips. And all this was before I put it on!

And when I finally made this decision, I received compliments and hugs. Although I was terrified and worried that I wouldn't be able to cope, the support I received has made me even surer than ever that this is the path I want to and should take.

Hopefully, with this change, I'm moving on to better things.