It's almost week 38, and I realise that I haven't yet expressed how almost being a mother makes me feel. They're all there - the feelings - all mixed up. I'm scared, excited, super happy, contented, all choked up - my feelings, having a hell of a party.
It's just such an amazing feeling, and it's certainly been an amazing journey so far. Having this little living, breathing, kicking bundle of joy inside my womb - it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. Everytime I feel her move, everytime she kicks, every little hiccup makes me so happy and I thank Allah everyday for the chance to live it.
For more than nine months, I've been responsible, not only for myself, but for her. She's probably the most important person in my life, and she hasn't even come out yet. I haven't even seen or met her yet, and I already feel more love for this little person than for some of the people I've known almost my whole life.
I have no idea what kind of mother I'm going to make. It scares me that I'm going to be responsible for every single little thing that she goes through when she comes out. I'm terrified of how I'm going to handle her getting sick, or being upset, or getting hurt. I'm absolutely terrified of not being ready to accept such a big responsibility, but I'm certainly gonna do my best for my little baby.
To my friends who read this blog, if I don't manage to say this before I go into the labour room, I hope you forgive me for any wrongdoings I've ever committed throughout the years we've known each other. I hope you can spare some time to pray for my little baby H and I, that we both come out of the labour room safe and healthy. :)
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