Revelation

Once upon a time, I used to scoff at online forums. Now, no more. I have learnt my lesson and I now see the virtues of having people contribute their experiences. And I'm talking about the laymen here. You and me. Recently, my boss asked me to look up the information needed to apply for a grant from a governmental institution, and obviously, I panicked. Three days in, and I already have to run around the agencies? I was ready to cry, but my very nice colleague helped me through some stuff. Still, it was very difficult trying to get certain information.

I decided to look it up online and chanced upon a forum on lowyat.net, talking about the very thing I was supposed to apply for. I read through every single piece on the thread, and, from a clueless, panicked person who was supposed to go to the agency the very next day in order to clarify some things about the form, I began to understand what I needed to know and managed to whip up a whole list of questions. I also began to understand why some things were required.

I am eternally grateful to the contributors of that particular thread for giving selfless advice and tips. I really hope I do my first REAL company-associated task well. I guess it's true what some people say. In order for someone to learn, sometimes its best to throw them into the deep end and let them experience it for themselves firsthand.

I wonder what else is going to be thrown my way, or rather, in which other direction of the water am I going to be thrown into?

The stinky heart

I used to have a friend, who, upon making enemies, would go around saying they were "busuk hati". "Used to" being the operative phrase here. She is out of my life, and for that I am absolutely glad.

Unfortunately, for another one of my best friends, she isn't.

One thing I find really funny is, she is so busy going around accusing people of having bad, stinky hearts, that she absolutely fails in taking a moment to realise that the stink she seems to notice in other people's hearts actually comes from her own decaying one.

Eat THAT!!

A few weeks ago, I went for an interview at this publishing house located in the middle of nowhere. Needless to day, there were no public transports available, no restaurants or cafes or even mamaks nearby to eat in, nothing. Just a factory building in the middle of a factory-filled area.

Most of my interviews thus far has been pleasant, and I've met with many really nice, comforting people who's purpose is just to draw out your talents and skills, and not to intimidate you into anything. So I walked into this interview feeling confident and just slightly jittery.

I walked out feeling like a worthless piece of shit.

I should have known something was up when an hour before the interview was supposed to commence, my car would NOT start. I panicked and started crying, and got into a little tiff with my hardworking husband, and finally, decided to call dad, who, like a superhero, zoomed me off to the place within minutes, making me right on time.
My interview was supposed to be at 10. Granted, I had to sit for a 45 minute test which I finished in about half the time, but she came waltzing in at about 11.30, which meant I waited for about an hour for her.

Everything's fine and dandy at first, I asked about my test results and she said I did alright (I thought I did better than alright, but what the heck. She's the boss right?) So anyway, we started talking and with each question, my heart sank.

This was a job which I wanted to do, which I thought I would love to be doing. All the things she described the job to be were the things I've always envisioned myself doing, and I loved the thought of it.

And then she started downplaying my worth. She rudely asked me why I was married at such a young age, which this utterly disapproving look on my face. She criticised some of my life choices, asked me personal questions she had no right to ask, leaving me feeling mentally bruised and violated. Obviously, I kept my cool and answered each as professionally as I could, telling her some things were personal when she got too probing for my tastes. Crediting my being jobless to a sense of integrity and morality that must have been a verbal slap to the face for her, considering her face changed from being all high-and-mighty to slightly ashamed.

She told me my expectations were too high. She said I only deserve a pittance of a salary, at most. She offered me a ridiculously low sum for the amount of work I was expected to do. She told me that she recently interviewed a lecturer who only earned about RM1300, so in a look, basically showed me I had absolutely no right to ask for what I was asking. When I told her I did not get a job at this one magazine, she said my expectations were probably too high, when I knew for a fact that the people hired for that magazine got way more than what I was asking.

In a nutshell, she was a bit of a bitch. Which was why I walked out feeling worthless and idiotic for even THINKING of asking for that kind of salary.

Later that day though, I was interviewed by a really nice CEO who restored my faith in my abilities.

I have since gone for more interviews and have finally landed myself a job at a small company located here in hartamas itself. Suffice to say, I will be saving on petrol as well as parking, since walking to work is not a problem. I signed the offer letter a few days ago, and I am earning more than I earned at my last job, with the promise of an increment upon confirmation.

Yesterday, I received a little surprise. Who should call but the little lady from the middle-of-nowhere publishing company, asking me to work for her. Obviously, I turned her down. Very politely, mind you. I'm a professional. :)

Anyway, I put down the phone and she actually called back, trying to ask me what kind of salary the company was offering, probably in a weird attempt at countering the offer or something. I told her I was getting more than my last job and she finally backed off, apologising for getting back to me so late.

So yeah. I am smiling fom ear to ear. ;p

Sometimes when I put on Makeup, I pretend my eyes are wider and lighter in colour

The post has nothing to do with the title. In fact, I've been TAGGED, by the Diva herself.. So here goes:

1.Letakkan gambar profile anda




2.Terangkan maksud gambar itu
- Nak je jadi all mysterious and alluring and say "Oh, it's a reflection of who we wanna be", but sadly, it's just a plain, 'ol vain raya picture

3. Kenapa pilih gambar itu?
- Sebab chantekkk. :p

4. Tag 5 lagi blogger!
Takde 5. 3 je
-Kepah
-Cikgu
-Juli

Of babies and being pregnant

For the past few months, I have been obsessed with looking at photos of a certain adorable little munchkin. Those who know me personally probably know exactly which little diva I'm talking about aye?

Anyway, that's not the point of this post, and before random, overexcited people decide to succumb to those tendencies before even reading this post, I AM NOT PREGNANT. :)

Ever since I got married, I've been PLAGUED with questions of when I intend on getting a little one of my own. I've never really been able to answer the questions since I am not sure myself. What I AM sure of is I am REALLY not ready to be raising a child. Not at my age, financial situation or maturity.

The worst is when, two weeks into my new life, my psycho of an aunt asked me (in a very rude manner, smirking her ass off) "Kau dah bunting ke belum?". Two weeks. I repeat, two weeks after I got married. Obviously, my being married at that so-called young age, and the fact that my family and I kept the wedding plans away from some of my relatives until a few months before the fact prompted the idiot to think that I might have gotten married semi-shotgun. Needless to say, for people like her, there are reasons why we keep some stuff to ourselves.

Back to the topic, up until now, people seem to be waiting with bated breath. Whenever I call in sick, whenever I feel nauseous, whenever I feel like eating something special, whenever I'm slightly late.

Obviously, I do want a baby. In fact, my biological clock is already ticking. Especially when I saw this little darling with her (as described by momma) big round hazel eyes :

*Picture stolen from her mummy


Not now, darlings, not now. I have a world of opportunities waiting out there. I still need to get the career of my dreams. I want to travel. I want to do things I've dreamt of since I was a little girl. I want to spend time with hubby before I have to share him with someone else. I want to learn to salsa. I want to write about my adventures.

I need to establish myself. I need to get my masters and who knows what else?

There's so many things left to do that I'm afraid I might not be able to with a little darling in tow. And if that makes me selfish, then I guess so be it.

I'll get there, I promise. And when I do, you guys will be the first people to know about it. I'll send out a mass email or sms with the good news, and the little baby up there will have a friend for life. Hehe.

But until then, this is me. This is us.

A change of hairstyle, and heart.

I had a haircut yesterday. My hair was halfway down my back, and now it's shoulder-length again. This is what I do. The weight that I feel on my head whenever I'm stressed out is massive. So I delude myself into thinking that cutting my hair off would lessen the weight that I feel. Let me tell you, it absolutely works.

The only regret I felt was when the hairdresser made her first snip. After that, it was just a road to recovery for me, and shed that weight, I did. In a way, it also felt like a symbolic shedding of the girl (woman?) I used to be. The weak-willed, soft-hearted little girl who used to forgive and forget oh-so very easily. I feel slightly stronger now, for some reason.

Anyway, the point of this post is to state that I am no longer going to privatise my blog. I know it seems annoying after some of you sent me your e-mail addresses, but this was done after careful consideration and deliberations with important and wise people. Also, in the words of an awesome friend, "Ada aku kesah?". Hehe.

I decided that life is just too short to waste on petty morons. Mine, I realised, is too valuable and beautiful to care about people like that. So yeah, come in, use my words against me. Pull insults and untruths out of your ass. At least, the people who frequent here know that I write from the heart. I am no longer going to hide from imbeciles who don't know how to see sincerity even if it kicked them in the ass.

So to those who gave me your e-mail addresses, thanks. I had no idea people actually came to my blog (!) haha. And to those friends out there who've been there for me throughout these trying times, thanks again. You guys never fail to amaze me with your wisdom and your staying power. :) I love you.

So anyway, hello today. You're absolutely beautiful. And I know tomorrow will be too.

One Tree Hill

Now, I know a lot of people wil scoff at this, but I absolutely love this show. I didn't watch it from the start, not really, but I started watching it around season three and have been obsessed with following it throughout.

I just finished watching an episode from season six, and for some reason, I loved this episode enough to feel like writing something about it.

The lead character is basically making a movie out of his book about their lives, and, as predicted, goes through all the politics that one has to eventually face (i guess) in show business.

But what got to me was the last part. The part where they had found all the actors and was doing a table reading of the movie. They showed each actor reading out their lines, interlaced with the real character and his/her life at that particular moment. I don't even know how to describe it in words. But the scenes, coupled with a song that happens to be one of my favourites at the moment (which was a pleasant surprise for me) are perfect.

I thought that is was so powerful that the series could end right there, and I wouldn't be left unfulfilled. It was just that beautiful. It sounds corny, I'm very much aware of that, but it's just how I feel and it's my blog, and I'm always corny.

So yeah.

This is US

I am writing my first post from our brand new (well, not exactly BRAND new, just to us) studio apartment! My husband and I closed the deal on Monday, and instead of moving in this coming Saturday like we planned, we decided to be spontaneous and move in earlier! So far, I am loving it. I love the place itself. I adore how small and minimalist it is since I'm SO used to living in huge but cramped houses which are stuffed to the brim with furniture and knick knacks.

There is a HUGE bed, a HUGE wardrobe (very important since I have accumulated too many clothes over the years which I refuse to throw out), a very comfortable couch, a coffee table, a tv cabinet for our non-existent tv, a cute little kitchen, a balconey and a bathroom. What I like the most about it is the fact that the huge cupboard sanctions off the rest of the house from the sleeping area, so it feels like we have a bedroom, only with no door.

So yeah, I'm loving it. It feels liberating, being able to do this on our own and not expecting any help from anyone. :)

April's Fool.

You think I don't have the right to be angry. You're wrong, because I do. You think you can break me down. You're wrong. I'm still standing. You think you can leave me waiting outside in the rain, playing this cruel April Fool's joke on me. Well you're wrong. I fell for that one, but it's the last time I'll ever wait for you.

You think you can do whatever you want and there won't be consequences. Guess what, there are. In your mind, you're the only victim. The only innocent bystander who gets in the line of gunfire. Well, you're wrong about that too. Look in the mirror and see the gun you hold in your hand. But you won't will you? Because in your head, you're pure. In your head, everyone else is out to get you.

I have news for you, dear one. They're not. Your actions were the ones who were set out to get you from the word 'go'. I'm packing up and moving on. Tonight. There's nothing to salvage. All that's left are ashes from whatever little I had that you burnt down in a sick, macabre act of arson.