Little by little, I've noticed that Hana has started to talk more like adults. Despite her limited vocab, she does try and speak in full, proper sentences. At the very least, she manages to arrange her words properly whenever she talks.
For example, she used to say "Mama takut". Now she says "Hana takut mama!" (When we play catch, just in case people's imaginations start going wild) :P
She used to go "Apa bunyi tu?" When she hears the knocking and drilling that are oh-so-common where we live. Now she says "Bunyi apa tu?"
Yesterday, she crawled under the dinner table and grinned at me. I asked her "What are you doing, Hana?" and she answered "Sit down". So I corrected her with "I'm sitting down", which she duly repeated.
So today, I decided to ask her a few questions in complete sentences, just to see if she can answer them accordingly. My first was when she asked for cereal for breakfast and specifically requested that I put banana pieces in it.
Me: Do you like bananas?
Hana: I like bananas.
This was quite a pleasant surprise to me because I wasn't aware that she knew how to use pronouns. I knew that she can glean meanings out of the things I say, but I didn't know she could refer to herself in the first person in the proper context, if you know what I mean.
I asked her the second question when she was slurping the milk out of the bowl after her cereal was all gone.
Me: Is it good?
Hana: It's so good!
So she's gone beyond repeating what we say to being able to put each sentence pattern into context.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Listening to Reason
My posts always seem overdue nowadays kan? It's hard concentrating on writing a post when things are just happening around me and there's a little girl running around needing my attention.
Anyway, here's a little Hana update.
She's 2y2m now. We spent her birthday in Kedah because it fell on the date of our best friend's wedding. Attempted to take her to the Taiping Zoo on the way back the next day but that place was filled to the heavens since it was still Raya holidays. We came back and took her to a playgym, decided to have a small celebration at home with family. My sister baked a cake and we cooked. Just because Hana is happiest when she's surrounded by the people she loves. Sounds cliche but it's totally true. You should see how she lights up when she realises her grandparents and aunties are all around :)
She is a sweetheart. Such a loving little girl despite the fact that she didn't like to be touched very much when she was an infant. Nowadays, she's taken to climbing into our bed. I scooch over and she plonks herself on my pillow, turns towards me, gives me a kiss and hugs me around the neck.
One thing that I'm glad for is that she understands enough to be able to listen to reason now. Yes, she still gets upset when she doesn't get what she wants but really all I have to do is put her on my lap and explain nicely why I'm not giving it to her. When I'm done, I ask her "Ok Hana?" and she will always answer "Ok Mama", wipe the remainder of the tears and everything is okay again.
Ok so I don't know how to end this post. Talk about short attention span haha :P
Anyway, here's a little Hana update.
She's 2y2m now. We spent her birthday in Kedah because it fell on the date of our best friend's wedding. Attempted to take her to the Taiping Zoo on the way back the next day but that place was filled to the heavens since it was still Raya holidays. We came back and took her to a playgym, decided to have a small celebration at home with family. My sister baked a cake and we cooked. Just because Hana is happiest when she's surrounded by the people she loves. Sounds cliche but it's totally true. You should see how she lights up when she realises her grandparents and aunties are all around :)
She is a sweetheart. Such a loving little girl despite the fact that she didn't like to be touched very much when she was an infant. Nowadays, she's taken to climbing into our bed. I scooch over and she plonks herself on my pillow, turns towards me, gives me a kiss and hugs me around the neck.
One thing that I'm glad for is that she understands enough to be able to listen to reason now. Yes, she still gets upset when she doesn't get what she wants but really all I have to do is put her on my lap and explain nicely why I'm not giving it to her. When I'm done, I ask her "Ok Hana?" and she will always answer "Ok Mama", wipe the remainder of the tears and everything is okay again.
Ok so I don't know how to end this post. Talk about short attention span haha :P
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Hana and Problem-Solving
My daughter never fails to amaze me. I know I say that a lot but she's been doing that a lot more lately.
When she's not being difficult, she's one of the bubbliest, cheekiest little babies I've ever seen.
A few days ago, she questioned her dad with a "Kenapa?" when he asked her to do something. Looks like we'll be hit with the "Whys" very very soon.
But what astounded me even more was when we were at the Science Center (took her there on Sunday). There was a panel with some buttons on it which she desperately wanted to reach and press. It was a bit too high for her though, so she toddled over to the corner (where there were hula hoops and those mini colourful Ikea stools), picked up one of the stools, carried it over to the panel, set it carefully down in front of it and climbed on it, proceeded to happily press the buttons.
Her dad and I were both watching with our mouths open.
When she's not being difficult, she's one of the bubbliest, cheekiest little babies I've ever seen.
A few days ago, she questioned her dad with a "Kenapa?" when he asked her to do something. Looks like we'll be hit with the "Whys" very very soon.
But what astounded me even more was when we were at the Science Center (took her there on Sunday). There was a panel with some buttons on it which she desperately wanted to reach and press. It was a bit too high for her though, so she toddled over to the corner (where there were hula hoops and those mini colourful Ikea stools), picked up one of the stools, carried it over to the panel, set it carefully down in front of it and climbed on it, proceeded to happily press the buttons.
Her dad and I were both watching with our mouths open.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Heartbreaking
A few days ago, we were rocked by shocking news of how a 3-year old died after being left in the car by her mother for about 5 hours.
My reaction to the news came in stages. When I first read the headline, I was like "What the heck was the mother thinking?" then I read the whole story of how she had sent her sister over to the airport and had forgotten to send her sleeping baby to the nursery.
The circumstances under which she found her little girl at the end of the day was devastating, to say the least. Shock and anger, on my part quickly changed to disbelief, a dawning realization that I understood and finally, an unexpected grief and heartbreak - for her, for that poor little baby in the car, for her whole family.
While browsing, I found the photo of the little girl and I started crying. The poses she struck, how she looked, what she was doing in the photos, it could've been my baby. I went into my bedroom where my own little girl was sleeping peacefully and I lay down next to her, touching her hands and cheeks and wishing that I could give her the tightest hug ever right then and there, wishing I could just wake her up.
I cannot imagine how the mother must have felt. The guilt, the disbelief, the emptiness that must be plaguing her every waking and sleeping moment. The longing, perhaps, to just turn back that clock and do that day over again.
I cannot imagine what that little girl must've felt before she left us. We enter a hot car and within minutes we feel suffocated. This was 5 hours. Her thought processes, her emotions, thinking her mommy would come rescue her soon but no one showing up - too devastating to even think about.
Once, about a few months after Hana turned one, I had left her in the crib in order to fill water into her tub. She had been particularly difficult that morning and I thought that it would do me good to leave her there for a few minutes so that I could get this done and calm myself down. Walking back to the room to get her, I heard a loud 'thud', following by the scariest, loudest wailing noise I had ever heard from her.
She had somehow climbed over the barriers and fell to the floor. My guilt knew no boundary. I checked if there was any injury (thank Allah, there was none) and sat on the floor hugging her and wailed right along with her. After my own sobs had subsided and hers had stopped in confusion at why her mama was making that funny noise, I calmed down and called my husband. He came home, found me in a daze with hana clutched tightly in my grasp.
I cried that whole night and couldn't get a good night's sleep for a week, instead, spending those nights just gazing at her, furiously wiping the tears away when I thought about the pain and trauma she must've felt.
That is how a mother feels when her baby is hurt. How she feels when the baby gets hurt BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE DID.
Now multiply that by about a million. Which is probably how the mother of that baby feels right now.
Some "perfect parents with no children" - as someone described it to me on Twitter, and perhaps even some parents whose children had grown and had forgotten how challenging it is to raise a baby, or parents who have had it easy, have called for authorities to punish the mother for negligence.
When answered with "Hasn't she suffered enough? Isn't in punishment enough to have lost her precious baby?", they replied in the negatives.
Being a relatively new parent, I know all too well the fatigue that comes with it. Some days you're struggling to figure out how to tie your shoelaces. There are nights when your baby wakes up at an ungodly hour and only falls asleep after Subuh or minutes before your alarm clock rings.
Even my husband sometimes jolts himself on the highway to work, thinking he forgot to send my baby over to my mothers on days that she's supposed to go there, when he had just dropped her off 10 minutes prior. If you can make that kind of mistake, you can definitely make the reverse, which is something I even shudder to imagine.
We've all had one of those off days. We're just lucky enough that nothing this heartbreaking ever came out of them.
My reaction to the news came in stages. When I first read the headline, I was like "What the heck was the mother thinking?" then I read the whole story of how she had sent her sister over to the airport and had forgotten to send her sleeping baby to the nursery.
The circumstances under which she found her little girl at the end of the day was devastating, to say the least. Shock and anger, on my part quickly changed to disbelief, a dawning realization that I understood and finally, an unexpected grief and heartbreak - for her, for that poor little baby in the car, for her whole family.
While browsing, I found the photo of the little girl and I started crying. The poses she struck, how she looked, what she was doing in the photos, it could've been my baby. I went into my bedroom where my own little girl was sleeping peacefully and I lay down next to her, touching her hands and cheeks and wishing that I could give her the tightest hug ever right then and there, wishing I could just wake her up.
I cannot imagine how the mother must have felt. The guilt, the disbelief, the emptiness that must be plaguing her every waking and sleeping moment. The longing, perhaps, to just turn back that clock and do that day over again.
I cannot imagine what that little girl must've felt before she left us. We enter a hot car and within minutes we feel suffocated. This was 5 hours. Her thought processes, her emotions, thinking her mommy would come rescue her soon but no one showing up - too devastating to even think about.
Once, about a few months after Hana turned one, I had left her in the crib in order to fill water into her tub. She had been particularly difficult that morning and I thought that it would do me good to leave her there for a few minutes so that I could get this done and calm myself down. Walking back to the room to get her, I heard a loud 'thud', following by the scariest, loudest wailing noise I had ever heard from her.
She had somehow climbed over the barriers and fell to the floor. My guilt knew no boundary. I checked if there was any injury (thank Allah, there was none) and sat on the floor hugging her and wailed right along with her. After my own sobs had subsided and hers had stopped in confusion at why her mama was making that funny noise, I calmed down and called my husband. He came home, found me in a daze with hana clutched tightly in my grasp.
I cried that whole night and couldn't get a good night's sleep for a week, instead, spending those nights just gazing at her, furiously wiping the tears away when I thought about the pain and trauma she must've felt.
That is how a mother feels when her baby is hurt. How she feels when the baby gets hurt BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE DID.
Now multiply that by about a million. Which is probably how the mother of that baby feels right now.
Some "perfect parents with no children" - as someone described it to me on Twitter, and perhaps even some parents whose children had grown and had forgotten how challenging it is to raise a baby, or parents who have had it easy, have called for authorities to punish the mother for negligence.
When answered with "Hasn't she suffered enough? Isn't in punishment enough to have lost her precious baby?", they replied in the negatives.
Being a relatively new parent, I know all too well the fatigue that comes with it. Some days you're struggling to figure out how to tie your shoelaces. There are nights when your baby wakes up at an ungodly hour and only falls asleep after Subuh or minutes before your alarm clock rings.
Even my husband sometimes jolts himself on the highway to work, thinking he forgot to send my baby over to my mothers on days that she's supposed to go there, when he had just dropped her off 10 minutes prior. If you can make that kind of mistake, you can definitely make the reverse, which is something I even shudder to imagine.
We've all had one of those off days. We're just lucky enough that nothing this heartbreaking ever came out of them.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Offensive Posts
Hari ni tiba-tiba terfikir.
Dulu I joined those parenting groups. Niat nak menimba ilmu. Tapi bila dah tengok orang kutuk sana-sini, rasa macam kita ni mak yang tak sempurna. Kalau bagi susu formula tu macam dah teruk sangat la sebab tak usaha. Padahal diorang tak tau pun macam mana kita struggle nak bagi anak susu ibu. Kira bersyukur sangat anak kita dapat colostrum tu walaupun tak dapat nak susukan sampai 2 tahun. Dan bersyukur kita masih dapat bagi susu dekat anak kita walaupun bukan dari badan kita sendiri. Dia dapat jugak khasiat, dia tak kelaparan, dia membesar dengan sihat jugak macam anak orang lain.
Kalau bagi vaksin pun salah. Sebab dah terikut-ikut sangat apa yang kerajaan suruh buat. Kalau bawak pegi doktor pun tak betul. Sebab percaya sangat diorang, sedangkan diorang tu nak buat duit je. Macam-macam lah yang kita buat, serba tak kena.
So lama-lama rasa macam, tiap kali bukak je group mesti terasa. Mesti kecik hati. Padahal benda tu tak ditujukan kepada kita secara personal. Tapi tetap jugak kecik hati. Delete group satu-satu. Tak membantu pun. Ilmu yang dapat dekat situ boleh je cari kat Ms Google atau lebih baik lagi refer terus pada yang pakar.
So terfikir pulak harini. Kita terasa bila diorang cakap benda2 tu. walaupun tak tuju kat kita. habis bila kita cakap macam2 dekat blog, dekat twitter, dekat facebook, kita tak tau siapa yang terasa dengan kita.
Rasa takut pulak.
Ada jugak yang kata "I don't take responsibility for how you feel about what I say". Tapi bila fikir bab dosa pahala... Bayangkan kalau 10 orang terasa tiap2 kali kita post something dekat these social media websites. Bayangkan.
This serves as a reminder to myself to think a hundred times before posting something next time.
To anyone out there who reads my blog, anyone I've hurt or offended with any of my entries or with any posts I've published, be it here or in any of the websites I frequent, saya minta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive this flawed human being who sometimes slips when she gets too emotional or stressed out. If there ever comes a time when I intentionally or unintentionally post something hurtful or offensive, please leave a reminder. Help me become a better person.
Thank you.
Dulu I joined those parenting groups. Niat nak menimba ilmu. Tapi bila dah tengok orang kutuk sana-sini, rasa macam kita ni mak yang tak sempurna. Kalau bagi susu formula tu macam dah teruk sangat la sebab tak usaha. Padahal diorang tak tau pun macam mana kita struggle nak bagi anak susu ibu. Kira bersyukur sangat anak kita dapat colostrum tu walaupun tak dapat nak susukan sampai 2 tahun. Dan bersyukur kita masih dapat bagi susu dekat anak kita walaupun bukan dari badan kita sendiri. Dia dapat jugak khasiat, dia tak kelaparan, dia membesar dengan sihat jugak macam anak orang lain.
Kalau bagi vaksin pun salah. Sebab dah terikut-ikut sangat apa yang kerajaan suruh buat. Kalau bawak pegi doktor pun tak betul. Sebab percaya sangat diorang, sedangkan diorang tu nak buat duit je. Macam-macam lah yang kita buat, serba tak kena.
So lama-lama rasa macam, tiap kali bukak je group mesti terasa. Mesti kecik hati. Padahal benda tu tak ditujukan kepada kita secara personal. Tapi tetap jugak kecik hati. Delete group satu-satu. Tak membantu pun. Ilmu yang dapat dekat situ boleh je cari kat Ms Google atau lebih baik lagi refer terus pada yang pakar.
So terfikir pulak harini. Kita terasa bila diorang cakap benda2 tu. walaupun tak tuju kat kita. habis bila kita cakap macam2 dekat blog, dekat twitter, dekat facebook, kita tak tau siapa yang terasa dengan kita.
Rasa takut pulak.
Ada jugak yang kata "I don't take responsibility for how you feel about what I say". Tapi bila fikir bab dosa pahala... Bayangkan kalau 10 orang terasa tiap2 kali kita post something dekat these social media websites. Bayangkan.
This serves as a reminder to myself to think a hundred times before posting something next time.
To anyone out there who reads my blog, anyone I've hurt or offended with any of my entries or with any posts I've published, be it here or in any of the websites I frequent, saya minta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive this flawed human being who sometimes slips when she gets too emotional or stressed out. If there ever comes a time when I intentionally or unintentionally post something hurtful or offensive, please leave a reminder. Help me become a better person.
Thank you.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Of Parenting
It's not easy, let me tell you.
Not that I don't love it. I do, don't get me wrong. It's worth it to wake up early everyday, having her smile sweetly at me and say "Hi sayang! Hi Mama!".
To have to rush here and there in the morning to make her breakfast, get her bathed and comfy and playing ball on demand or letting her watch her favourite shows, if only to have her run up to me, put her little arms around my neck and give me a huge wet kiss on the lips.
The stressful moments are forgotten at one simple smile or word or hug (or ''ag!" as she would say it).
But it's not easy.
There are times when I feel like I'm going to drop to the floor at the end of each day. Times when Epol walks in the door only to have me hand Hana over immediately before he can even recuperate from work.
Times when we argue over how to discipline, how to feed her, how to cook for her. I have my ways and he has his. She's too young to be disciplined. If we don't discipline her now, she's going to get spoiled. She can't eat those cookies, she won't be able to sleep later. Yes but she deserves a treat every now and then.
There are times when we can't seem to agree on anything.
And yet it's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done.
There are days when I can't wait to have my mother babysit her so I can concentrate on my studies.
And yet I miss her 5 minutes after she leaves the house with daddy.
Maybe it's the hugs she gave me before she left, or those kisses, or the way she kissed my hand after 'salam-ing' it, or that flying kiss she sent my way right before entering the lifts. Perhaps it's even the adorable way she says "Bye bye Mama!" repeatedly. But I miss her.
Still, it's not easy.
Not that I don't love it. I do, don't get me wrong. It's worth it to wake up early everyday, having her smile sweetly at me and say "Hi sayang! Hi Mama!".
To have to rush here and there in the morning to make her breakfast, get her bathed and comfy and playing ball on demand or letting her watch her favourite shows, if only to have her run up to me, put her little arms around my neck and give me a huge wet kiss on the lips.
The stressful moments are forgotten at one simple smile or word or hug (or ''ag!" as she would say it).
But it's not easy.
There are times when I feel like I'm going to drop to the floor at the end of each day. Times when Epol walks in the door only to have me hand Hana over immediately before he can even recuperate from work.
Times when we argue over how to discipline, how to feed her, how to cook for her. I have my ways and he has his. She's too young to be disciplined. If we don't discipline her now, she's going to get spoiled. She can't eat those cookies, she won't be able to sleep later. Yes but she deserves a treat every now and then.
There are times when we can't seem to agree on anything.
And yet it's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done.
There are days when I can't wait to have my mother babysit her so I can concentrate on my studies.
And yet I miss her 5 minutes after she leaves the house with daddy.
Maybe it's the hugs she gave me before she left, or those kisses, or the way she kissed my hand after 'salam-ing' it, or that flying kiss she sent my way right before entering the lifts. Perhaps it's even the adorable way she says "Bye bye Mama!" repeatedly. But I miss her.
Still, it's not easy.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Hitting a Brick Wall
I have to say this.
I hate where I am, academically. I had a chance for something big but I blew it and now I'm stuck at square one, unable to progress anywhere.
People always say that when you're a postgraduate, you have to fend for yourself, nobody is gonna help you if you don't help yourselves. Your supervisor is there but you have to do everything. They're just there to observe.
I disagree. I say that if we were so capable of producing research papers on our own, why would we even need to enroll in a university? Why pay thousands each semester just to do everything on our own?
I don't think supervisors should sit back and wait for our progress. I think they should check, be concerned, yell if they have to.
Why need universities if that's what PG is all about? Suffice to have a board that's in charge of going through these papers. Just send it in, present and that's it. Pay a submission fee.
Supervisors get paid to lead and help and assist in any way they can. Why leave students hanging in the wind with no direction to go?
At this point in time, I want nothing more than to just cry, cry and cry. And quit. Time is running out and I just wanna run off and forget I even had this stupid idea in the first place.
I hate where I am, academically. I had a chance for something big but I blew it and now I'm stuck at square one, unable to progress anywhere.
People always say that when you're a postgraduate, you have to fend for yourself, nobody is gonna help you if you don't help yourselves. Your supervisor is there but you have to do everything. They're just there to observe.
I disagree. I say that if we were so capable of producing research papers on our own, why would we even need to enroll in a university? Why pay thousands each semester just to do everything on our own?
I don't think supervisors should sit back and wait for our progress. I think they should check, be concerned, yell if they have to.
Why need universities if that's what PG is all about? Suffice to have a board that's in charge of going through these papers. Just send it in, present and that's it. Pay a submission fee.
Supervisors get paid to lead and help and assist in any way they can. Why leave students hanging in the wind with no direction to go?
At this point in time, I want nothing more than to just cry, cry and cry. And quit. Time is running out and I just wanna run off and forget I even had this stupid idea in the first place.
Monday, May 13, 2013
On the precipice
I've gotten asked so many times when we're giving Hana a little brother or sister.
So far, my answers have ranged from "Ada rezeki nanti ada lah" to "I'm not ready to go into the labour room again" to "Hana's not ready to share my attention".
Honestly, I really want another baby. I want it so bad. But then I look at myself. The way I can be, the things I feel and do. I look at my capabilities. I'm always on the precipice. Always almost falling. I struggle with even this one beautiful, lovable baby.
And I know that for now, I'm not able. Mentally, I'm too weak.
So far, my answers have ranged from "Ada rezeki nanti ada lah" to "I'm not ready to go into the labour room again" to "Hana's not ready to share my attention".
Honestly, I really want another baby. I want it so bad. But then I look at myself. The way I can be, the things I feel and do. I look at my capabilities. I'm always on the precipice. Always almost falling. I struggle with even this one beautiful, lovable baby.
And I know that for now, I'm not able. Mentally, I'm too weak.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
I survived!
Ok so the title is a little bit dramatic, but here's the story:
On Tuesday (19/3), Epol came home from work early, pale, shaken and feverish, and upon arrival, dropped everything and went straight to the bathroom. It appeared that he had gotten a bad case of food poisoning.
I had Hana that day and so it began, taking care of a clingy baby and a sick husband at the same time. I was exhausted by the end of the day and the house was in the worse condition it had ever been (and believe me, my house has seen some bad times). Hana wouldn't go to sleep until almost 11.
The next day, I took Hana to my mom's and continued caring for the patient at home. His temperature rose to 39.7 degrees, which was pretty damn high, and we called my sister-in-law (who is a doctor), and she came over after work and declared that we should probably take him to the hospital.
So to cut a long story short, he was admitted for two nights, leaving me alone at home with Hana, for the first time ever.
Being a total wimp, I never thought I'd be able to survive even one, let alone TWO nights alone (albeit with the baby) in a house. But that night, when my sister asked me if I was gonna be okay and if we could make some kind of arrangement for Hana and I (possibly sleep over at my mom's), I actually replied that we were gonna be fine.
And we were.
I survived.
Barely. :P
On Tuesday (19/3), Epol came home from work early, pale, shaken and feverish, and upon arrival, dropped everything and went straight to the bathroom. It appeared that he had gotten a bad case of food poisoning.
I had Hana that day and so it began, taking care of a clingy baby and a sick husband at the same time. I was exhausted by the end of the day and the house was in the worse condition it had ever been (and believe me, my house has seen some bad times). Hana wouldn't go to sleep until almost 11.
The next day, I took Hana to my mom's and continued caring for the patient at home. His temperature rose to 39.7 degrees, which was pretty damn high, and we called my sister-in-law (who is a doctor), and she came over after work and declared that we should probably take him to the hospital.
So to cut a long story short, he was admitted for two nights, leaving me alone at home with Hana, for the first time ever.
Being a total wimp, I never thought I'd be able to survive even one, let alone TWO nights alone (albeit with the baby) in a house. But that night, when my sister asked me if I was gonna be okay and if we could make some kind of arrangement for Hana and I (possibly sleep over at my mom's), I actually replied that we were gonna be fine.
And we were.
I survived.
Barely. :P
Monday, March 4, 2013
Of the damned Red Tape and Compassion (or lack of)
Early Saturday morning, my grandmother fell and passed out in her bathroom. By our estimation, she had been on the floor for a few hours before my sister decided to check up on her and discovered what happened.
She was sent to the hospital in an ambulance (which arrived TWO FRIGGIN HOURS AFTER THEY WERE CALLED), checked on by the orthopedic who was on-call, found out that it there was a small fracture on her hip that would eventually heal by itself, and she was discharged that same morning.
I dropped by at about 10 to visit and arrived just in time to see my sisters struggling because my grandmother had fallen off the couch after she tried to adjust the position of her legs. Her injured hip was underneath, the leg stuck and unmovable and she was already in the weakest condition I had ever seen her. Her last coherent sentence was "Siapa jaga Hana?" when she saw that I was trying to help get her back up.
We woke my dad up and my uncle arrived a few minutes later and still we couldn't get her back up. She complained that it hurt when we tried to lift her by her pits and we were too afraid to move her legs, particularly the injured one. In the end, we had to bring down a single mattress and maneuver her onto it. She still complained but I asked her to bear with the pain just for a little while. Her injured leg was burning hot and she seemed to run a fever. Upon taking her temperature, we discovered it at 39 degrees Celcius, very hot.
I called someone who worked in that hospital, and she made some inquiries found out that my grandma was very much coherent and not in pain when she was at the emergency room. Upon finding out, though, that she now had a fever and wasn't lucid, she suggested taking her back to the hospital.
So they made arrangements to admit her to the private section of this hospital instead of making her go through another 5 or 6 hours of emergency triage. My uncle went ahead to the hospital to make arrangements and get an ambulance to take her back there, since my grandmother is quite big sized and it's hard for us to get her off the floor onto a car and back out again when she was in so much pain and not responding to any questions or orders.
The ambulance came, found out that she wasn't going through emergency and refused to take her. REFUSED. The reason? "We are from emergency and if we take her without admitting her to the emergency ward first, then we will get scolding from our superior". All the while, there was this old woman in front of them, weak, breathing heavily, clearly in a lot of pain.
The problem was, they were there already, and were going to make their way back to the hospital anyway. Apparently, showing up with an empty ambulance is better than helping an injured old woman.
I understand that they were bound by the red tape, but this is someone who really needed help. Where was the compassion? Where was the humanity?
This is the second time I've heard of staff of this hospital refusing to help someone in need because of the red tape.
But when it boils down to the basics, would it have made them feel better if my grandmother had died because of their red tape? Is it okay, as long as they don't get reprimanded by their superior?
Again. Where was the humanity and compassion?
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Hana: Duplo and Stringing Sentences
I've noticed for a while now that Hana has started to learn problem solving. For example, if she is trying to get someplace and the nearest route has been blocked by something, she will find another way to get there.
Today, she was playing with her Duplos (well, not really duplo but a brandless substitute that looks like it. For the sake of making it easier for me to post, let's still call them duplos). She had managed to stack three of the four-notched (square) duplos together. In the first place, I didn't even know that she knew how to play with them properly because she usually prefers to play with the bucket that comes with it, using it as a hat. She gives me the duplos to put together for her.
But that's not why I was amazed. After she had stacked the fours, she picked up the twos. There were two of them. she stacked them together and proceeded to try and join them to the fours. She couldn't because her hands are a bit too small to join two big pieces together. So what does she do? She takes the stacked twos, tears them apart and proceeds to connect them, one by one onto the big stack. Problem solved. She looks up at me, notices that I was watching and smiled proudly.
And mama just watches with her mouth open and squeals. haha.
And then the other day, I discovered that she has started stringing words together to form sentences. Not as smoothly and eloquently as we do mind you, but she certainly tries.
She was rolling around on the carpet, her head on a cushion and she forgot that she wasn't on a bouncy bed and tried bouncing but her head missed the cushion and she banged it on the (carpeted) floor. she ran to me crying "call daddy! daddy!". So i called. As soon as her dad picked up the phone and said hello, she said loudly while sobbing "sayang! baying datuh tadi!" (sayang, baring jatuh tadi). Her dad was like "whaatt?" And I repeated what she said, not quite believing it myself.
And there you have it. My baby's growing up.
She won't be a baby for much longer, will she?
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
A Random Thought
There's not a day that passed by when I don't wish I'd withstood the pain and the lack of results and tried harder at breastfeeding.
Even though I tell myself and others that I've accepted that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, there's always that niggling "What if?" that lingers around in my brain.
Maybe it's the peer pressure. Everyone seems to look down on formula feeding moms. We're looked at as lazy. They say we gave up on giving our children the best, that we should've done more, that we're selfish.
Maybe it's because I look at Hana and she seems so small and thin. I wonder if she's getting enough nutrients. People tell me that it's because she's active. She does eat a lot, but still. I worry.
Maybe it's because other people seem to have it easy. Well, easier than I did when I tried.
The fact remains though, that no matter how hard I pumped, how frequently I massaged, or put a warm towel on the area, or took those supplements or drank water, or did any of the stuff that people kept advising me to do, my baby ended up still hungry after 45 minutes of nursing.
And 45 minutes of pumping didn't even get me an ounce. Heck, it didn't even get me 10ml.
So why is it I feel so guilty? Why the regret?
Even though I tell myself and others that I've accepted that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, there's always that niggling "What if?" that lingers around in my brain.
Maybe it's the peer pressure. Everyone seems to look down on formula feeding moms. We're looked at as lazy. They say we gave up on giving our children the best, that we should've done more, that we're selfish.
Maybe it's because I look at Hana and she seems so small and thin. I wonder if she's getting enough nutrients. People tell me that it's because she's active. She does eat a lot, but still. I worry.
Maybe it's because other people seem to have it easy. Well, easier than I did when I tried.
The fact remains though, that no matter how hard I pumped, how frequently I massaged, or put a warm towel on the area, or took those supplements or drank water, or did any of the stuff that people kept advising me to do, my baby ended up still hungry after 45 minutes of nursing.
And 45 minutes of pumping didn't even get me an ounce. Heck, it didn't even get me 10ml.
So why is it I feel so guilty? Why the regret?
Monday, February 18, 2013
Only Child Syndrom and Number Two
We went to the park yesterday, something I'm planning to do regularly at least once a week. Hana loves being outdoors and I'd like her to get more fresh air.
Anyway, we bumped into someone we know, a family friend who already has grandchildren.
Now before i continue, I'm stating here that this post is in no way a personal attack to this person. I am merely stating my thoughts and feelings as a consequence of the encounter.
So when we bumped into her, with her daughter and her own two kids, we began to trade stories of bringing up baby (or babies, in her daughter's case). She discovered that Hana mispronounces certain words, like saying 'ukma' instead of tok ma and 'shikert' instead of biscuit. She then asked us if we baby talk to Hana, followed by the statement 'Don't do that. Don't baby talk to her' before we could even answer. We don't, by the way. But she was adamant that we did. And then her daughter actually intercepted and told us that her elder son mispronounces too.
The second thing that happened was that she asked my husband when we were goong to have our second baby. Now at this point, I decided to turn away and stop listening, since the question wasn't a favourite of mine. I heard, vaguely, the words 'single child syndrom' being tossed around and I deduced that they were saying Hana will eventually get said syndrom and not be able to share with a potential brother or sister if we wait for too long.
Firstly, every baby is different. I cannot stress this point enough because I am definitely a staunch believer of that. I would never compare my child to any other out there. Maybe Hana isn't promouncing things properly quickly enough for her standards but she is doing just fine by mine. She's only a year and a half. Her abilities are still limited and that includes the ability to which her tongue and mouth can make certain sounds.
She's doing great to me, being able to distinguish between objects and actually understanding things after only hearing it mentioned once. And as if to prove this person wrong, that very day, Hana progressed from saying good morning as 'ukmanyi' to 'goodmanyi' and biscuit from 'shikert' to bikert', and I am even more convinced that this person had been talking out of an experience long forgotten and solely by proximity to someone else's baby rearing.
As for having another child so soon, I am very happy where we are right now. I really feel like I need more time to focus on Hana before subjecting her to share my attention with another person. That may or may not lead to her getting the 'single child syndrom', I don't know, but I don't feel that 'to make sure my first baby doesn't get too spoiled' is a good enough reason for me to have another baby. It's unfair to her,myself and the younger sibling, should i decide on that course of action. I am, simply put, just not ready to go through another pregnancy (no matter how happy i was during the last one), the birthing process, or to let go of the excluxsive relationship i have with my daughter right now. If and when my husband and i decide that we're financially, emotionally and physically ready to have another child, and it turns out that Hana DOES have the only child syndrom, then InsyaAllah, we will cross that bridge when we get to it and handle it as a family.
Anyway, we bumped into someone we know, a family friend who already has grandchildren.
Now before i continue, I'm stating here that this post is in no way a personal attack to this person. I am merely stating my thoughts and feelings as a consequence of the encounter.
So when we bumped into her, with her daughter and her own two kids, we began to trade stories of bringing up baby (or babies, in her daughter's case). She discovered that Hana mispronounces certain words, like saying 'ukma' instead of tok ma and 'shikert' instead of biscuit. She then asked us if we baby talk to Hana, followed by the statement 'Don't do that. Don't baby talk to her' before we could even answer. We don't, by the way. But she was adamant that we did. And then her daughter actually intercepted and told us that her elder son mispronounces too.
The second thing that happened was that she asked my husband when we were goong to have our second baby. Now at this point, I decided to turn away and stop listening, since the question wasn't a favourite of mine. I heard, vaguely, the words 'single child syndrom' being tossed around and I deduced that they were saying Hana will eventually get said syndrom and not be able to share with a potential brother or sister if we wait for too long.
Firstly, every baby is different. I cannot stress this point enough because I am definitely a staunch believer of that. I would never compare my child to any other out there. Maybe Hana isn't promouncing things properly quickly enough for her standards but she is doing just fine by mine. She's only a year and a half. Her abilities are still limited and that includes the ability to which her tongue and mouth can make certain sounds.
She's doing great to me, being able to distinguish between objects and actually understanding things after only hearing it mentioned once. And as if to prove this person wrong, that very day, Hana progressed from saying good morning as 'ukmanyi' to 'goodmanyi' and biscuit from 'shikert' to bikert', and I am even more convinced that this person had been talking out of an experience long forgotten and solely by proximity to someone else's baby rearing.
As for having another child so soon, I am very happy where we are right now. I really feel like I need more time to focus on Hana before subjecting her to share my attention with another person. That may or may not lead to her getting the 'single child syndrom', I don't know, but I don't feel that 'to make sure my first baby doesn't get too spoiled' is a good enough reason for me to have another baby. It's unfair to her,myself and the younger sibling, should i decide on that course of action. I am, simply put, just not ready to go through another pregnancy (no matter how happy i was during the last one), the birthing process, or to let go of the excluxsive relationship i have with my daughter right now. If and when my husband and i decide that we're financially, emotionally and physically ready to have another child, and it turns out that Hana DOES have the only child syndrom, then InsyaAllah, we will cross that bridge when we get to it and handle it as a family.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Toddler Tantrums
For a couple of months now, we've had this problem where Hana throws tantrums and hits people on the face whenever she doesn't get what she wants.
Truth be told, it got on my nerves, and I would grow extremely impatient and scold her whenever she did it. I tried holding her hand firmly, looking into her eyes and telling her "No!".
I read somewhere that someone had tried reciprocating and hit their baby's hand (softly, of course) and tried that. No dice. It just made her (and myself) even more agitated and made me feel like a total monster afterwards because she just got so hurt and angry whenever I did it.
I tried scolding her but that also made it worse.
Let me tell you, for a hothead like me, it really isn't easy to keep my temper when she misbehaves.
And then one day I decided to try something else.
When I saw her tantrum coming ( which is inevitably accompanied by a slap to the face), I held her about an arm's length away, and said "no, sayang, no hitting, jangan marah-marah" (very gently and nicely) and then after a few seconds, brought her closer and said "come hug mama come, calm down ok?" AND IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM!
She just calmed down after a few seconds and put her head on my shoulder and hugged me! And there was my adorable little baby again.
Now, I'm not saying that this is what will work for everyone. But it works for me. I've been doing this ever since I discovered it, and it works every time. Even my husband was amazed at the "magic".
I guess what I'm saying is that you just gotta keep trying and erring. That's mostly how we get through bringing up a child. Nobody gets it right the first time. It can be frustrating but it's also rewarding when you finally find that one thing.
Also, remember that not every child is the same. What works for my baby may not work for yours, so never ever shove your methods up someone else's nose.
Truth be told, it got on my nerves, and I would grow extremely impatient and scold her whenever she did it. I tried holding her hand firmly, looking into her eyes and telling her "No!".I read somewhere that someone had tried reciprocating and hit their baby's hand (softly, of course) and tried that. No dice. It just made her (and myself) even more agitated and made me feel like a total monster afterwards because she just got so hurt and angry whenever I did it.
I tried scolding her but that also made it worse.
Let me tell you, for a hothead like me, it really isn't easy to keep my temper when she misbehaves.
And then one day I decided to try something else.
When I saw her tantrum coming ( which is inevitably accompanied by a slap to the face), I held her about an arm's length away, and said "no, sayang, no hitting, jangan marah-marah" (very gently and nicely) and then after a few seconds, brought her closer and said "come hug mama come, calm down ok?" AND IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM!
She just calmed down after a few seconds and put her head on my shoulder and hugged me! And there was my adorable little baby again.Now, I'm not saying that this is what will work for everyone. But it works for me. I've been doing this ever since I discovered it, and it works every time. Even my husband was amazed at the "magic".
I guess what I'm saying is that you just gotta keep trying and erring. That's mostly how we get through bringing up a child. Nobody gets it right the first time. It can be frustrating but it's also rewarding when you finally find that one thing.
Also, remember that not every child is the same. What works for my baby may not work for yours, so never ever shove your methods up someone else's nose.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
.
Tak terkata.
Tapi mengapa?
Pabila ombak menghempas
Angin menderu
Lancang.
Mengapa?
seakan hanyut dibawa arus
hilang entah kemana
seperti dihimpit dek batu dongengan
dilenyek. digilis.
Di mana ia pergi ketika itu?
Tak terkata.
Tapi mengapa?
Pabila ombak menghempas
Angin menderu
Lancang.
Mengapa?
seakan hanyut dibawa arus
hilang entah kemana
seperti dihimpit dek batu dongengan
dilenyek. digilis.
Di mana ia pergi ketika itu?
Tak terkata.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
You just can't please everyone
When you put up photos after photos of your child, and each update is about them, people start saying that you don't have a life. "Orang lain pun sayang anak, takdela over hari2 letak gambar. Menyampah aku."
When you don't put up photos of your child, people contest your love for them.
You just can't win. So what do you do?
Whatever the hell you want :D
When you don't put up photos of your child, people contest your love for them.
You just can't win. So what do you do?
Whatever the hell you want :D
Monday, January 7, 2013
What it means to be a mother
1. Being able to change your body clock to fit your child's.
I used to wake up at around 10 in the morning, and go to sleep pretty darn late. Hana wakes up at 7 and basically goes to sleep whenever the heck she wants. Before you start commenting on how I should get her used to sleeping at a certain time, I do try, my dears. Usually, by 9, she's bathed/freshened up, had dinner, and is on her sleeping chair, chugging a bottle of milk, with her pacifier in her other hand. Sometimes, she falls asleep immediately, sometimes, about half an hour later. And then there are times when it's already 12 o'clock and we've already taken several turns trying to put her to sleep, but she still managed to widen those cute little eyes and smile at us cheekily.
No matter what, she still wakes up at 7am.
2. Being able to take insensitive comments in stride
This is something that I still need to learn. Most of these comments are well meaning, but I cannot help thinking that they're a slight to me as a mother and my husband as Hana's father. Comments like "I think she's sleepy"-really? I would never have guessed, judging from how she rubs her eyes.
3. Putting your child first
Holding in that pee because there's an emergency and your baby needs you now now now.
4. Putting yourself first
I know this is contradicting with the previous one, but this is actually quite important. I find myself having days when I forget to eat OR drink anything at all until my husband comes back at 7 o'clock because the day has been too hectic.
I never thought of this as a problem until a friend of mine, upon hearing this, asked me "But how are you going to take care of your baby if you don't out yourself first sometimes? What if you get sick?" And I realised that I was definitely doing things wrong.
It's been a hectic morning and since Hana is off with her Daddy rectifying the emergencies we had today, this is about all I can muster for now. I'll add to this list when I think of more things.
I used to wake up at around 10 in the morning, and go to sleep pretty darn late. Hana wakes up at 7 and basically goes to sleep whenever the heck she wants. Before you start commenting on how I should get her used to sleeping at a certain time, I do try, my dears. Usually, by 9, she's bathed/freshened up, had dinner, and is on her sleeping chair, chugging a bottle of milk, with her pacifier in her other hand. Sometimes, she falls asleep immediately, sometimes, about half an hour later. And then there are times when it's already 12 o'clock and we've already taken several turns trying to put her to sleep, but she still managed to widen those cute little eyes and smile at us cheekily.
No matter what, she still wakes up at 7am.
2. Being able to take insensitive comments in stride
This is something that I still need to learn. Most of these comments are well meaning, but I cannot help thinking that they're a slight to me as a mother and my husband as Hana's father. Comments like "I think she's sleepy"-really? I would never have guessed, judging from how she rubs her eyes.
3. Putting your child first
Holding in that pee because there's an emergency and your baby needs you now now now.
4. Putting yourself first
I know this is contradicting with the previous one, but this is actually quite important. I find myself having days when I forget to eat OR drink anything at all until my husband comes back at 7 o'clock because the day has been too hectic.
I never thought of this as a problem until a friend of mine, upon hearing this, asked me "But how are you going to take care of your baby if you don't out yourself first sometimes? What if you get sick?" And I realised that I was definitely doing things wrong.
It's been a hectic morning and since Hana is off with her Daddy rectifying the emergencies we had today, this is about all I can muster for now. I'll add to this list when I think of more things.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Sheep
Me: Old Macdonald had a farm, eeya eeya ohhh, and on that farm he had a sheep, eeya eeya ohh, with a baa baa here and a baa baa there
Hana: bahaha! baha! Shit!
Me: No Hana, it's sheeeeeep. sheeeep! Baaa, sheep!
Hana: bahahahahaa! bahahaha! sheeet! shit!
I'm in trouble. T_T
Hana: bahaha! baha! Shit!
Me: No Hana, it's sheeeeeep. sheeeep! Baaa, sheep!
Hana: bahahahahaa! bahahaha! sheeet! shit!
I'm in trouble. T_T
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Bringing in the New Year
Happy New Year!
Last night was a sleepless one for me. I tossed and turned, worrying about me thesis, and, with only a year and a half left, I've been doubting myself, wondering if I will ever complete this daunting task. If all my efforts will be for naught.
And so I am determined to do something about it this time. Hopefully, a complete proposal AT LEAST by the first quarter. I'm gonna try my hardest to finish this by the end of this year. And if that means I miss out on the phD or the scholarship, then so be it.
My past efforts are too valuable to throw away chasing something that will eventually come in due time.
And this is my only resolution.
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