There's not a day that passed by when I don't wish I'd withstood the pain and the lack of results and tried harder at breastfeeding.
Even though I tell myself and others that I've accepted that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, there's always that niggling "What if?" that lingers around in my brain.
Maybe it's the peer pressure. Everyone seems to look down on formula feeding moms. We're looked at as lazy. They say we gave up on giving our children the best, that we should've done more, that we're selfish.
Maybe it's because I look at Hana and she seems so small and thin. I wonder if she's getting enough nutrients. People tell me that it's because she's active. She does eat a lot, but still. I worry.
Maybe it's because other people seem to have it easy. Well, easier than I did when I tried.
The fact remains though, that no matter how hard I pumped, how frequently I massaged, or put a warm towel on the area, or took those supplements or drank water, or did any of the stuff that people kept advising me to do, my baby ended up still hungry after 45 minutes of nursing.
And 45 minutes of pumping didn't even get me an ounce. Heck, it didn't even get me 10ml.
So why is it I feel so guilty? Why the regret?
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