Of Parenting

It's not easy, let me tell you.

Not that I don't love it. I do, don't get me wrong. It's worth it to wake up early everyday, having her smile sweetly at me and say "Hi sayang! Hi Mama!".

To have to rush here and there in the morning to make her breakfast, get her bathed and comfy and playing ball on demand or letting her watch her favourite shows, if only to have her run up to me, put her little arms around my neck and give me a huge wet kiss on the lips.

The stressful moments are forgotten at one simple smile or word or hug (or ''ag!" as she would say it).

But it's not easy.

There are times when I feel like I'm going to drop to the floor at the end of each day. Times when Epol walks in the door only to have me hand Hana over immediately before he can even recuperate from work.

Times when we argue over how to discipline, how to feed her, how to cook for her. I have my ways and he has his. She's too young to be disciplined. If we don't discipline her now, she's going to get spoiled. She can't eat those cookies, she won't be able to sleep later. Yes but she deserves a treat every now and then.

There are times when we can't seem to agree on anything.

And yet it's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done.

There are days when I can't wait to have my mother babysit her so I can concentrate on my studies.

And yet I miss her 5 minutes after she leaves the house with daddy.

Maybe it's the hugs she gave me before she left, or those kisses, or the way she kissed my hand after 'salam-ing' it, or that flying kiss she sent my way right before entering the lifts. Perhaps it's even the adorable way she says "Bye bye Mama!" repeatedly. But I miss her.

Still, it's not easy.