On the precipice

I've gotten asked so many times when we're giving Hana a little brother or sister.

So far, my answers have ranged from "Ada rezeki nanti ada lah" to "I'm not ready to go into the labour room again" to "Hana's not ready to share my attention".

Honestly, I really want another baby. I want it so bad. But then I look at myself. The way I can be, the things I feel and do. I look at my capabilities. I'm always on the precipice. Always almost falling. I struggle with even this one beautiful, lovable baby.

And I know that for now, I'm not able. Mentally, I'm too weak.