1. "Menunggu masa" katanya.
2. Had a false alarm last week. I thought I was getting contractions but I wasn't :P
3. Pre-washed the baby clothes, blankets, towels, diapers - anything that's gonna be touching the baby's skin
4. Gotten most of the essentials, thanks to the Parenthood Expo last week - carseat, swaddle, cot, bedding, stroller, baby-safe detergent, bathtub, almost everything lah. Still a few items which we're leaving to the last minute, tapi it should be ok kot.
5. FINALLY packed the hospital bag, thanks to that false alarm I had. I've been procrastinating this one. Tak tau la kenapa liat sangat.
6. Still doing research. Takut woo. I have no idea how to hold a newborn baby, no idea if I'll be doing anything right, no idea how to do ANYTHING. T.T
Anyway, wish me luck!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Of Having a Bun in the Oven
It's almost week 38, and I realise that I haven't yet expressed how almost being a mother makes me feel. They're all there - the feelings - all mixed up. I'm scared, excited, super happy, contented, all choked up - my feelings, having a hell of a party.
It's just such an amazing feeling, and it's certainly been an amazing journey so far. Having this little living, breathing, kicking bundle of joy inside my womb - it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. Everytime I feel her move, everytime she kicks, every little hiccup makes me so happy and I thank Allah everyday for the chance to live it.
For more than nine months, I've been responsible, not only for myself, but for her. She's probably the most important person in my life, and she hasn't even come out yet. I haven't even seen or met her yet, and I already feel more love for this little person than for some of the people I've known almost my whole life.
I have no idea what kind of mother I'm going to make. It scares me that I'm going to be responsible for every single little thing that she goes through when she comes out. I'm terrified of how I'm going to handle her getting sick, or being upset, or getting hurt. I'm absolutely terrified of not being ready to accept such a big responsibility, but I'm certainly gonna do my best for my little baby.
To my friends who read this blog, if I don't manage to say this before I go into the labour room, I hope you forgive me for any wrongdoings I've ever committed throughout the years we've known each other. I hope you can spare some time to pray for my little baby H and I, that we both come out of the labour room safe and healthy. :)
It's just such an amazing feeling, and it's certainly been an amazing journey so far. Having this little living, breathing, kicking bundle of joy inside my womb - it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. Everytime I feel her move, everytime she kicks, every little hiccup makes me so happy and I thank Allah everyday for the chance to live it.
For more than nine months, I've been responsible, not only for myself, but for her. She's probably the most important person in my life, and she hasn't even come out yet. I haven't even seen or met her yet, and I already feel more love for this little person than for some of the people I've known almost my whole life.
I have no idea what kind of mother I'm going to make. It scares me that I'm going to be responsible for every single little thing that she goes through when she comes out. I'm terrified of how I'm going to handle her getting sick, or being upset, or getting hurt. I'm absolutely terrified of not being ready to accept such a big responsibility, but I'm certainly gonna do my best for my little baby.
To my friends who read this blog, if I don't manage to say this before I go into the labour room, I hope you forgive me for any wrongdoings I've ever committed throughout the years we've known each other. I hope you can spare some time to pray for my little baby H and I, that we both come out of the labour room safe and healthy. :)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Ok random.
So I went to Shah Alam to pay for the antenatal classes that I booked A MONTH AGO and had confirmed for. My name wasn't there, apparently. The lady kept saying "She said she booked and confirmed already but her name is not here". I dunno if I'm overly sensitive or ape, but that really sounds like she's implying I lied about booking.
Siap boleh cakap "We usually call to re-confirm" at which point, I replied "I never got any calls. Missed or otherwise", to which she replied "No, see I would've called or my people would've called. Kalau u ada book, your name would be here". What a bitch.
Should've asked for the name of the person I booked with tu. No "sorry", no nothing, just an unspoken accusation and a konon2 gracious offer of "I boleh letak nama you, and you can definitely attend the talk, tapi nanti masa exercise takut takde space. Jangan complain pulak". At which point, I glared at her and said "Tak Payah." Yes, I said it like that. She softened up a little and made the offer again. The husband asked me if I wanted in and I just shook my head.
She made yet ANOTHER offer (baik sangat la konon tu) - "I don't want to send you away, you already made it here kan. I can squeeze you in". I gave her this "look" and firmly shook my head again. And then, upon leaving, exclaimed loudly to the husband within earshot of everybody in the office "Macam mana incompetent sangat sampai orang dah book boleh pulak nama tak ada?"
Yes, I can be a bitch too. Especially since I'm so hormonal right now :)
My feet are swollen now! Time to cut down on the salt! :(
And I just realised I have less than a month to go! Takut!
Siap boleh cakap "We usually call to re-confirm" at which point, I replied "I never got any calls. Missed or otherwise", to which she replied "No, see I would've called or my people would've called. Kalau u ada book, your name would be here". What a bitch.
Should've asked for the name of the person I booked with tu. No "sorry", no nothing, just an unspoken accusation and a konon2 gracious offer of "I boleh letak nama you, and you can definitely attend the talk, tapi nanti masa exercise takut takde space. Jangan complain pulak". At which point, I glared at her and said "Tak Payah." Yes, I said it like that. She softened up a little and made the offer again. The husband asked me if I wanted in and I just shook my head.
She made yet ANOTHER offer (baik sangat la konon tu) - "I don't want to send you away, you already made it here kan. I can squeeze you in". I gave her this "look" and firmly shook my head again. And then, upon leaving, exclaimed loudly to the husband within earshot of everybody in the office "Macam mana incompetent sangat sampai orang dah book boleh pulak nama tak ada?"
Yes, I can be a bitch too. Especially since I'm so hormonal right now :)
My feet are swollen now! Time to cut down on the salt! :(
And I just realised I have less than a month to go! Takut!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
35 weeks
1. The baby's weight is estimated to be around 2.18kgs - and apparently she's small for her age.
2. The mommy's weight gain is now 10kgs. Just a few days ago I was telling one of my besties that I've gained less than 10kgs. *nangis*
3. I've managed to book us a place at an antenatal class for next week. This comes pretty late since there's always a chance the baby decides to come out early, but at least I won't have to take refresher courses, since it's near the due date.
4. My OBGYN advised me against fasting during Ramadhan. He says that it will affect the baby. I'm a little disappointed because that will mean that I'll really be missing out this year. No puasa, no raya and a whole month of puasa to replace. But I guess it's worth it, for the sake of the little one.
5. I've also managed to confirm a confinement lady, which is a HUGE relief because I started asking around at the last minute, and I noticed that there seem to be a lot of women due around the same time I am.
And that's about it :)
2. The mommy's weight gain is now 10kgs. Just a few days ago I was telling one of my besties that I've gained less than 10kgs. *nangis*
3. I've managed to book us a place at an antenatal class for next week. This comes pretty late since there's always a chance the baby decides to come out early, but at least I won't have to take refresher courses, since it's near the due date.
4. My OBGYN advised me against fasting during Ramadhan. He says that it will affect the baby. I'm a little disappointed because that will mean that I'll really be missing out this year. No puasa, no raya and a whole month of puasa to replace. But I guess it's worth it, for the sake of the little one.
5. I've also managed to confirm a confinement lady, which is a HUGE relief because I started asking around at the last minute, and I noticed that there seem to be a lot of women due around the same time I am.
And that's about it :)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Favourite Spot
My baby has found a new favourite spot:
She lodges herself right below my right ribcage and sticks her elbow/knee out to my right really hard, effectively making it uncomfortable for me to sit in any position.
What's crazy is that I love her all the more for it sebab comel! lol.
She lodges herself right below my right ribcage and sticks her elbow/knee out to my right really hard, effectively making it uncomfortable for me to sit in any position.
What's crazy is that I love her all the more for it sebab comel! lol.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Sabar
A few weeks ago, I penned a status update on Facebook in a fit of rage and sadness. A very unfortunate incident had befallen none other than my own mother, at the hands of someone who was so unworthy it would make anyone cringe to hear the whole story.
Needless to say, people commented and told me to "sabar". It was not good for the baby. I knew this. God knows I knew this so much that it upset me to even BE that upset about it. On the one hand, why shouldn't I be upset? My mother had been slighted. She who carried me for nine months in her belly, who endured all nine months of morning sickness, FOR ME. She who went through sleepless nights taking care of me when I was sick, who worked so hard at getting everything that this spoiled little girl wanted. Who would do anything to keep her daughters happy. The one who sacrificed and sacrificed for the sake of every one else. The one who had just recovered from cancer. THAT person. One of the people I would do anything for.
On the other hand, me being that upset was not good for the baby. The sweet, active, attention-seeking little bundle inside me who I've come to love aalmost more than anyone else in the world, despite not having met or laid eyes on her yet. I knew that being that upset would potentially hurt the baby as well.
I. Knew. This.
And as much as I would have loved to admit that these people were right (and they were, in a way), I honestly just became more frustrated. At myself, for being stuck in this situation. At them for not understanding how important both these individuals are to me.
But the fact of the matter is, "sabar" is easier said than done. Sure, I can come out smiling like a gold medal winning champion, but who can say how I feel? I can keep my emotions bottled up for the sake of everyone who thinks I shouldn't be acting a certain way because of the baby, but would that really be a good idea? Would I be smiling and laughing for others' sakes? Or my baby's and my own?
Sabar but keep my emotions hidden away where no one sees. Sabar but letting those feelings eat me up inside. Pada mata kasar, I'm still being patient right? I feel that THAT kind of patience, I don't need. I'd be hurting myself and my baby a lot more to keep things bottled up inside just so I'd show people how sabar I am. And if letting my rage out once in a while help keeps me calmer on other days, then why not? What good is false patience when it has the potential to hurt more than letting out my emotions?
The honest truth? We've been patient for 7 whole years. We've given this offending person more words than anyone can imagine. We've kept quiet while she reigned over us smugly. And now, the shit has hit the fan.
She has hurt one of the people I love most in this whole world. Unless you know what that feels like, and unless when you had it happen to you, you were able to control your emotions and truly 'sabar', you will have no idea how it feels, and you will have no idea what magnitude of 'sabar' it takes for me to truly live up to the word.
I appreciate all the advice I've been given, but allow this big pregnant lady one instance of rage just so she doesn't end up a basket-case of bottled-up emotions alright? :)
Needless to say, people commented and told me to "sabar". It was not good for the baby. I knew this. God knows I knew this so much that it upset me to even BE that upset about it. On the one hand, why shouldn't I be upset? My mother had been slighted. She who carried me for nine months in her belly, who endured all nine months of morning sickness, FOR ME. She who went through sleepless nights taking care of me when I was sick, who worked so hard at getting everything that this spoiled little girl wanted. Who would do anything to keep her daughters happy. The one who sacrificed and sacrificed for the sake of every one else. The one who had just recovered from cancer. THAT person. One of the people I would do anything for.
On the other hand, me being that upset was not good for the baby. The sweet, active, attention-seeking little bundle inside me who I've come to love aalmost more than anyone else in the world, despite not having met or laid eyes on her yet. I knew that being that upset would potentially hurt the baby as well.
I. Knew. This.
And as much as I would have loved to admit that these people were right (and they were, in a way), I honestly just became more frustrated. At myself, for being stuck in this situation. At them for not understanding how important both these individuals are to me.
But the fact of the matter is, "sabar" is easier said than done. Sure, I can come out smiling like a gold medal winning champion, but who can say how I feel? I can keep my emotions bottled up for the sake of everyone who thinks I shouldn't be acting a certain way because of the baby, but would that really be a good idea? Would I be smiling and laughing for others' sakes? Or my baby's and my own?
Sabar but keep my emotions hidden away where no one sees. Sabar but letting those feelings eat me up inside. Pada mata kasar, I'm still being patient right? I feel that THAT kind of patience, I don't need. I'd be hurting myself and my baby a lot more to keep things bottled up inside just so I'd show people how sabar I am. And if letting my rage out once in a while help keeps me calmer on other days, then why not? What good is false patience when it has the potential to hurt more than letting out my emotions?
The honest truth? We've been patient for 7 whole years. We've given this offending person more words than anyone can imagine. We've kept quiet while she reigned over us smugly. And now, the shit has hit the fan.
She has hurt one of the people I love most in this whole world. Unless you know what that feels like, and unless when you had it happen to you, you were able to control your emotions and truly 'sabar', you will have no idea how it feels, and you will have no idea what magnitude of 'sabar' it takes for me to truly live up to the word.
I appreciate all the advice I've been given, but allow this big pregnant lady one instance of rage just so she doesn't end up a basket-case of bottled-up emotions alright? :)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Girl or Boy: Does it Really Matter?
The news that I'm about to have a baby girl was a much welcomed one in my circle of immediate family. My father, particularly, mused over the fact that my baby girl was going to be the first daughter of a first daughter of a first daughter. Get it? What I mean is that my mother and I are also first daughters. Our moms and my sisters were really excited over all the cute dresses and accessories they could lavish the baby with. My husband and I, we were just excited to be having a baby at all, girl or boy.
So it surprised me, when, in this day and age, where everybody claims out loud to be equals, quite a few people seemed to receive the news of our baby girl quite badly.
One gave a little grimace of pity and said "Oh, it's ok. Having a girl is not that bad"
Another went a step further, saying "Oh! Sorry dude! You've got to try again!" to my husband.
A few other comments went along the same lines, but needless to say, I was shocked and appalled at every single one of them - which were all said to my face, which means that my baby could hear them as well.
These comments, which would already seem rude, callous and insensitive to anyone else seemed a hundred-fold to my over-sensitive, hormonal ears. What had my baby done to deserve any sort of notion that she would not be welcome, just because of her gender? And the best (or worse?) part of it? All of these commenters were WOMEN, who had firstborn daughters. So once I finished stewing over how rude they were (I couldn't show them my disgust, because they were older, more experienced, and most importantly, friends of our parents or even elder family members), I got to thinking - Were these people really unhappy about being women? And were they so disgruntled over giving birth to firstborn baby girls that they decided to take it out on my innocent girl?
So I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't be too upset over their less-than-intelligent quips. See, unlike them, I am happy that I was born a girl. I am happy with everything that comes in the package, bad or good. I am so happy with myself that I don't find the need to make others feel bad about themselves, just to make myself feel good.
I am happy that the important people in our lives - the moms and the dads, our sisters, and our best friends are all happy and welcoming towards our baby.
And most importantly, I LOVE the fact that the baby growing in me is a girl. Even if it had been a boy, I would've loved it just the same, because I am not about to discriminate my own flesh and blood, and at the end of the day, the baby is MINE and my husband's. She or he is a product of our marriage, love and respect for each other.
And we don't need people who would appear to still think like neanderthals to validate our happiness.
So it surprised me, when, in this day and age, where everybody claims out loud to be equals, quite a few people seemed to receive the news of our baby girl quite badly.
One gave a little grimace of pity and said "Oh, it's ok. Having a girl is not that bad"
Another went a step further, saying "Oh! Sorry dude! You've got to try again!" to my husband.
A few other comments went along the same lines, but needless to say, I was shocked and appalled at every single one of them - which were all said to my face, which means that my baby could hear them as well.
These comments, which would already seem rude, callous and insensitive to anyone else seemed a hundred-fold to my over-sensitive, hormonal ears. What had my baby done to deserve any sort of notion that she would not be welcome, just because of her gender? And the best (or worse?) part of it? All of these commenters were WOMEN, who had firstborn daughters. So once I finished stewing over how rude they were (I couldn't show them my disgust, because they were older, more experienced, and most importantly, friends of our parents or even elder family members), I got to thinking - Were these people really unhappy about being women? And were they so disgruntled over giving birth to firstborn baby girls that they decided to take it out on my innocent girl?
So I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't be too upset over their less-than-intelligent quips. See, unlike them, I am happy that I was born a girl. I am happy with everything that comes in the package, bad or good. I am so happy with myself that I don't find the need to make others feel bad about themselves, just to make myself feel good.
I am happy that the important people in our lives - the moms and the dads, our sisters, and our best friends are all happy and welcoming towards our baby.
And most importantly, I LOVE the fact that the baby growing in me is a girl. Even if it had been a boy, I would've loved it just the same, because I am not about to discriminate my own flesh and blood, and at the end of the day, the baby is MINE and my husband's. She or he is a product of our marriage, love and respect for each other.
And we don't need people who would appear to still think like neanderthals to validate our happiness.
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