The reason why I'm FAT.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). In layman's terms, PCOS is a condition where a woman's (mine, specifically)develops many little cysts in them. This, for some reason or other, increases my testosterone levels, making me prone to acne and multiple other horrible symptoms.

It also increases my tolerance to insulin, heightens my chances of diabetes as well as increases my weight, and MAKES IT A TOTAL BITCH FOR ME TO LOSE ANY. Oh, did I also mention that it makes it difficult for me to conceive? Yep, that's cuz I don't get my period regularly. My last cycle extended for about, oh, 88 days more or less? EIGHTY EIGHT FRICKING DAYS.

How do I decrease these symptoms?

1. Take birth control pills
2. Lose weight
3. Get pregnant

Number 1 is out of the question. We're TTC.

Number 2 and 3, well there's just a bit of a problem: PCOS makes it difficult for me to lose weight, AND it makes it difficult for me to get pregnant.

So why did I choose to share this little fact in my blog? No, it's not to lament over how horrible my life is because, really, my life is good.

I'm just tired of people making fat jokes around me as if it will not hurt. Let me tell you something: IT DOES. Yes, little miss sensitive me, well blame it on my hormones, since they're all topsy turvy.

Just in case you people who find it a total delight in letting me know something that I don't need to hear because I already see myself in the friggin mirror every single day didn't know: For 6 months before Ramadhan, I exercised like crazy. Swimming 10-20 laps one day and going to the gym for at least an hour the next. I also cut my food intake in half, and ate regular meals, cut down on fried food, carbs, and only drank plain water.

I did not lose a single kilo until, because of th fasting month, I stopped. No, you have no idea how HARD I worked and how frustrating it was to step onto that scale at the end of each week and not see any results whatsoever.

And then go out and have people jokingly asking me how far along I am in my pregnancy, asking me how much I eat, making fat jokes and telling me i need to lose weight.

I'M TRYING.

So leave me the fuck alone, and maybe I'll actually get the motivation to do it on my own instead of being filled with stress from all your condescending, smug, "witty" comments aimed at my weight.

You wouldn't like it if I did it to you, so friggin STOP DOING IT TO ME.

And seriously, you know, it's not just me. I've got friends, who, in my eyes are perfect just the way they are. They're beautiful, and yet some asshole comes along and tells them they look fat just for shits and giggles and now they're OBSESSED with losing weight despite the fact that they're perfectly beautiful.

TAKDE KERJA LAIN KE?

Let me ask you a question:

Is your life really so horrible that you need to make others feel bad about themselves for you to feel better about yourself?

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.