A License to Shoot Idiots on Sight Would be GREAT.

Professionalism, by definition, means the conduct, aims, or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person. Definition taken from here.

This, Mr FANTASTIC, as you apparently so angkat bakul sendiri-ishly like to refer to yourself, is apparently LOST to your good self.

When you promise something done in a PROFESSIONAL setting, you DO it. For example "I will hand this proposal over to you, TODAY". You do NOT go MIA for the rest of the day, get your friend to call the person you said this sentence to at the end of the day, RIGHT before quitting time, to explain that you had to run errands SINCE LUNCH and have not been able to get back at the office. Fair enough. Errands. Okay.

What you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT do, is get your friend to promise that you'll hand it in by the next day and still be MIA on said day until 11 o'clock, and at which point, when the person who is waiting patiently, with her ASS on the line, for the proposal which she had completed her part A WEEK AGO, calls in order to ask you where the FUCK your ass is, NOT ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!!!

Memang rasa nak tembak ok mamat ni. Seriously. Dahla menyorok belakang kawan. Excuses sampai sejuta, AND takde guts nak pegi explain kat boss sendiri, AKUU jugak yang kena tepek muka depan boss buat muka kesian.

The boss is not a charity case ok? Banyak2 kali aku terpacak kat office dia with my pathetic face, nanti he will get bosan and feel like firing me. AKU yang kena kan babiiii? Tau tak geram tu ape? Geram tu is my state of mind right now.

Call tak angkat.

You are NOT a kid anymore. This is NOT the university where you can extend deadline banyak2 kali and the lecturer still terima sebab tak nak jawab to his/her superiors. BUKAN. Kalau aku yang fresh grad convo pon belum ni boleh faham, kenapa kau tak boleh?????

*update: 11.31 on my clock.Still no sign, still not answering his phone.

**ohmigod, he's 29. Ingat fresh grad jugak. dah tua bangka rupenye takreti2 lagi?

*** Yes, I can be an obsessive compulsive

****update: it is now 2.00 pm, I am reaching boiling point, batang hidung tak nampak, still not answering his phone.

Of Convocations and Loved Ones

Yesterday, my little sister had her convocation at the same place that I will be having mine. I couldn't attend. Firstly, I wasn't an invitee (only two places) and secondly, I had work. I am not confirmed yet, and although I'm allowed to take leave, I'm not comfortable with taking more than one day off for my own convocation next week.

Today, she told me a really sad story. Apparently, one of the graduates had passed on, and yesterday, arwah's mother got up on stage to receive the scroll on their behalf. I thought it was so brave of her to go up there, to see all those other graduates happily receiving their own scrolls, to watch them hugging and taking pictures with their own parents. How she must've seen her son/daughter everywhere, wishing so badly that she was that mom hugging her son/daughter. Or that parent, taking a picture of her child in full convo regalia.

I feel so blessed to still be here. To still have my parents here. To be able to see their proud faces as I step onto that stage. I feel blessed to have such wonderful friends who are graduating along with me, and to have those wishing me well and being happy for me from afar.

I listened to the story of the mother who was so proud of her child that she just had to come and receive that scroll, even though seeing everyone else so happy would break her heart, and I am humbled. Because everything we have could be dragged out from under our feet in an instance, just with a blink.

And yes, I am extremely proud of my little sister, Sharina, and wish that I could have been there to see her up on that stage.

I never get tired of looking at this...

Yes, I know a lot of people have graduated before, and I'm obviously not the pioneer of all degrees first class, but it's my pride and joy. It's something I never thought I would get (although admittedly, I failed to achieve something else I was pretty sure I would get, due to some technicality, which explains the two stars instead of three)

But yeah.

I worked hard for four years to get this, and I believe I'm entitled to little bit of narcissism and a whole lot of pride.

We're all adults here

Sometimes, when that time of the month finally arrives, I feel a whole lot of relief...
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....and just a little smidgen, just a pang of disappointment.

Mengada-ngada

Ok, those of you out there, please don't kill me ok? This is me, memang mengada-ngada..

I have this urge to teach!!!! I mean, I LOVE writing and I still want to be a proper writer some day, tapiiiii, tiba2 I feel this urge to teach again. Granted my stint was ridiculously short and kinda forced upon me but I do remember the good times and I really feel like going back la...

Kenapa ni la, ish. I mean, I have a perfectly awesome job and a very cool boss but kepala hotak ni sengaja je. I guess it's true what they say, that we'll never be satisfied with what we have kan?

Getting Older

On Saturday, my high-school friend Baya and I decided to pay a visit to new mommy Shaline. Due to certain 'pantang' and whatnot, I couldn't take pictures of her and her one month old baby boy, but let me assure you, he is absolutely gorgeous.

The baby was born after only 6 months of pregnancy, making him 3 whole months premature. Needless to say, a lot of his organs hadn't fully developed yet and Shaline had a lot of difficulties during the first month. I'm not going to mention the incidents here, but what happened would make any mother cry if it happened to her own helpless, innocent little child.

The worst thing is that some "aunties" who claim to have had more experiences and think they are wiser than anyone else ask rude, intruding questions like "Hmm.. Are you SURE he's premature?". Bodoh la. Tak ke patah hati mak orang ko cakap anak dia camtu? What are you implying? That she got married out of wedlock? Tak nampak baby tu kecik gila, rambut and kening belum ada lagi, siap masuk incubator semua? What is wrong with people nowadays? Kalau tak buruk sangka tu memang tak sah kan?

Anyway, listening to her story, I felt sad and slightly wistful. Obviously looking at her baby got my maternal instincts all ticking like a timebomb, but I remember how we were in school, skipping class, (yep, I skipped class with the class monitor) having loads of fun with her. I look at her now, all matured and I can hardly believe I'm looking at the same childish-sounding girl I was good friends with in school. Time really does fly, doesn't it?

Contrasts

A few months ago, I had a job where I hated the work but adored the people. They were friendly, really really nice and they were THERE for you, especially if you're the newbie. I always had help, and even the superiors (minus one) were nice and didn't really cause any heartache. The job sucked though, and I went to work day after day, dreading what else the news was going to bring. Political catastrophes, financial mayhem, social pollution, you name it, I saw it, covered it and felt like killing someone.

Here, it's the total opposite. I love my job. I get to write a lot, do a lot of new things and my learning curve is sky-high. And yet there's something missing. Being in a company where 80% are men means I only have one other female colleague. We have nothing in common. Not to say she isn't nice. She's a sweetheart, in fact. We just have nothing in common. Oh, and men can be total bitches too. Especially certain men in high positions who think they're better than anyone else.

I seriously wonder which is better now. Career advancement (that might not even happen because of the bitchiness), or having great friends (I say friends, no colleagues for a reason) to come to work with.

I realise that office politics happen anywhere. Everywhere I go I WILL meet pathetic bitches who need to measure their worth by putting other people down. I just wish I had the courage to stand up for myself when untruths are being said about me and what I do.