Taking a chance

I did it. I closed my eyes, held my breath and jumped off. It felt good.

When my brain gets all knotted up and twisted in a misshaped bunch.

Nak ke tak nak?
Nak ke tak nak?

I am SO confused.

By the way...

To everyone who gave their opinions on the work issue that I asked for help on, thank you!

I just went for an interview today (yesterday?) and we'll see how it goes...

Night Shift

The time is 3.08am. I am at my office, struggling to stay awake. I look like a zombie. I know this because the moment I stepped into my cubicle, a colleague did a double take and asked me if I had gotten any sleep at all yesterday after work. I also know this because I went to the bathroom to wash my face and also did a double take because my eyes are bloodshot and my skin has turned slightly grey, and looks really coarse and uneven. Like a zombie's.

My 'bodyguards' just left to go get something to eat a few minutes ago and told me to get some sleep, but being silly stubborn me, I don't really feel like it. I mean, I feel like it, but I really don't. How's that?

After a whole year of having a partner everytime I go to sleep, it feels weird to doze off any old where without that partner by my side. If I'm being nauseating, it's because I'm totally nauseated. That's what apparently happens to me when I get 3hours of sleep over the span of two days. I retch a lot even though my gut is empty.

Also, I credit my emotional instability at this moment to the lack of sleep. After my colleagues left, I started crying because I am a total crybaby zombie.

Oh yeah, I not only look like a zombie, I also feel like one right now. At least, this is what I think a zombie feels like, only without the tears. I mean, put a zombie in front of a computer and ask him/her to monitor the news and his/her face will probably look just like mine, except if the features are different.

If I am being incoherent, I'm guessing it's because that's how zombies act like.

So I now look, feel and act like a zombie.

Welcome to the night shift, Zurin.

The Children Who Lead Us

The political situation in this country is a big fat joke.

I mean, wake up la. There are bigger things at stake. The economic meltdown, for instance? Or try these on for size: The war on Gaza and The war in Sri Lanka. Any of those ring a bell?

ding dong

Well, apparently our politicians are all using earplugs which have special filters for the important issues and let slide petty things like who should take which seat, and party-hopping and suing the Sultanate and closing little kindergartens for personal gain. Oh, and don't forget accusations and mindless bickering.

SO mature. A three year old can do most of those.

Now grow up and show us what you can do to prove that our faith in you didn't go to waste.

'Kekitaan'

I've got a few friends from college who I love and cherish until now. We went through a lot and sifted through the useless up until even a month ago to get to where we are now. And I have to say I'm very happy with them.

I remember when I got into that accident about a year ago. They all came to see me to make sure I was ok.

Some people try to come in and stir things up. They tell others that we are worthless. That our closeknitness is something to joke about. They called it our "kekitaan". They laughed at us and hated and hated and hated.

Well I'm just thankful that although we have that bond, we don't flip out on each other when there are secrets kept. We don't run off crying and cursing when they want to hang out with someone else. We give our blessings and are happy for them when they find new friends.

Because we know at the end of the day they will be there for us when we need them.

So to those who laughed at us and threatened our friendship, it's okay.
Maybe one day you'll find friends as good as these people are to me, and then you won't be jealous no more.

Disgust and horror

I logged on to my friendster and got this message today:

> > KEMATIAN PELUKIS DENMARK YANG MELUKIS KARIKATUR RASULULLAH S.A.W kita yg tercinta..Tlg sebar2kan kpd sumer yg beragama Islam mahupun bkan.. The artist who drew the pictures of the Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) has died in afire. He was burned alive. Denmark governmen t is hiding the news from the public and everyone has to know. Plz spread this... . (Its the price one must pay 4 the insult of Allah's Prophet) Forward this to as many people as you can... Just remember Allah is watching you if you love Allah then send this to everyone on your list because you have open this.
> > > Great news Hope you all know about the Denmark newspaper who made fun upon our loving Prophet and till now they never regret… let us make them regret For all time…The Denmark ambassador, prime minister and Denmark channel they all try to do something just to stop the boycott made by Muslims last month, by which their losses has reached to 2 billion Euro.

Wow.

I'm not sure if the contents of this meesage is even true, but WOW.

Clap clap clap.

Congratulations.

We have now (some of us) apparently transcended the boundaries of humanity into something unspeakable.

As muslims, if someone dies, do we applaud it, no matter how bad that person is? Was that the way we were taught to be as we were growing up? Was that the way the Prophet Muhammad SAW wanted his ummah to turn out?

It's the price one must pay for the insult of Allah's prophet?

You pray that he sees the light. You pray for him to apologise and realise his mistake. You do not pray for him to meet a horrible demise.

Above all, you do not say "It serves him right. He was burnt to death because he was such an asshole"

Whatever he did is between him and Allah SWT. We have no right to clap and cheer.

Because doing that means we're NO BETTER than he is. Boycotting their products means we're no better than he is.

Because underneath it all, we're just scared and spiteful of something we don't understand. We judge those who are guilty but punish those who are not.

THINK people. Before you spread these atrocities, use that god-given thing you have in your head. Use it before you mindlessly and judgementally and become just like that person you condemn. Who put you up there so high on that horse that you deem yourself suitable for punishment to those poor people who didn't even support what the artist did in the first place?

Shame on you.

Congratulations!

To my darling who just gave birth to her first baby girl, Alhamdulillah.

I'm so excited now, and I can't wait to see her babe!

HELP!

Ok, I need help from anyone who reads this blog, even if I don't know you (i'm deluding myself into thinking that I've got ppl who follow this blog here, but what the heck).

I'm working at a job I'm alright with, although it can be a little depressing, sitting there, watching and tagging and summarising news clips that don't do much for my morale (ie: The Perak Political Crisis and the World Economic Meltdown). I have to work shifts, but I get quite a bit of allowance doing it. Not much of an advancement, but my boss has recognised me as a potential for something a little extra and is now training me for it. The basic pay is shit but counting the allowances and the triple pays on public holidays, i get enough.

A potential has come up, though for something I REALLY want to do. The basic pay is the same, I'll be busy macam nak gila, I have to go through another few months of probation and there's no such thing as shift allowances. Tapi, I get to travel should the need be there and my work will not really be limited to my desk, a computer, a monitor and headphones. This is something I see myself doing, although someone has warned me that the work is tedious and that the pay is quite shit (it's the same as what I'm getting now, minus the allowances)

On one hand, I'm afraid to give up the security of my job since i get all those allowances. The people there (barring my immediate boss) are great too, although they're kind of a tightknit group. I don't really like the shift thingies because it disturbs my plans, but they give me money. I don't like the fact that i have to apply for public holidays, but those give me money too.

On the other hand, THIS OTHER THING IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. But I'm afraid that if I go into it, I might not like it.

So what do I do? HELP!

So here it is...

I have to apologise for the lack of updates lately. I've just started working and as much as I love my job, it takes up most of my day and is exhausting enough to make me just want to lounge around lazily for the rest of the day (which is not all that long).

An 8-5 job coupled with the whole process of moving, I hardly have time to come online.

My life has been hectic and stressful lately, and a part of me really misses the student life.

Babe, I think you might see me with a wrinkle or two jugakla when you come back. Lol.