Little by little, I've noticed that Hana has started to talk more like adults. Despite her limited vocab, she does try and speak in full, proper sentences. At the very least, she manages to arrange her words properly whenever she talks.
For example, she used to say "Mama takut". Now she says "Hana takut mama!" (When we play catch, just in case people's imaginations start going wild) :P
She used to go "Apa bunyi tu?" When she hears the knocking and drilling that are oh-so-common where we live. Now she says "Bunyi apa tu?"
Yesterday, she crawled under the dinner table and grinned at me. I asked her "What are you doing, Hana?" and she answered "Sit down". So I corrected her with "I'm sitting down", which she duly repeated.
So today, I decided to ask her a few questions in complete sentences, just to see if she can answer them accordingly. My first was when she asked for cereal for breakfast and specifically requested that I put banana pieces in it.
Me: Do you like bananas?
Hana: I like bananas.
This was quite a pleasant surprise to me because I wasn't aware that she knew how to use pronouns. I knew that she can glean meanings out of the things I say, but I didn't know she could refer to herself in the first person in the proper context, if you know what I mean.
I asked her the second question when she was slurping the milk out of the bowl after her cereal was all gone.
Me: Is it good?
Hana: It's so good!
So she's gone beyond repeating what we say to being able to put each sentence pattern into context.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Listening to Reason
My posts always seem overdue nowadays kan? It's hard concentrating on writing a post when things are just happening around me and there's a little girl running around needing my attention.
Anyway, here's a little Hana update.
She's 2y2m now. We spent her birthday in Kedah because it fell on the date of our best friend's wedding. Attempted to take her to the Taiping Zoo on the way back the next day but that place was filled to the heavens since it was still Raya holidays. We came back and took her to a playgym, decided to have a small celebration at home with family. My sister baked a cake and we cooked. Just because Hana is happiest when she's surrounded by the people she loves. Sounds cliche but it's totally true. You should see how she lights up when she realises her grandparents and aunties are all around :)
She is a sweetheart. Such a loving little girl despite the fact that she didn't like to be touched very much when she was an infant. Nowadays, she's taken to climbing into our bed. I scooch over and she plonks herself on my pillow, turns towards me, gives me a kiss and hugs me around the neck.
One thing that I'm glad for is that she understands enough to be able to listen to reason now. Yes, she still gets upset when she doesn't get what she wants but really all I have to do is put her on my lap and explain nicely why I'm not giving it to her. When I'm done, I ask her "Ok Hana?" and she will always answer "Ok Mama", wipe the remainder of the tears and everything is okay again.
Ok so I don't know how to end this post. Talk about short attention span haha :P
Anyway, here's a little Hana update.
She's 2y2m now. We spent her birthday in Kedah because it fell on the date of our best friend's wedding. Attempted to take her to the Taiping Zoo on the way back the next day but that place was filled to the heavens since it was still Raya holidays. We came back and took her to a playgym, decided to have a small celebration at home with family. My sister baked a cake and we cooked. Just because Hana is happiest when she's surrounded by the people she loves. Sounds cliche but it's totally true. You should see how she lights up when she realises her grandparents and aunties are all around :)
She is a sweetheart. Such a loving little girl despite the fact that she didn't like to be touched very much when she was an infant. Nowadays, she's taken to climbing into our bed. I scooch over and she plonks herself on my pillow, turns towards me, gives me a kiss and hugs me around the neck.
One thing that I'm glad for is that she understands enough to be able to listen to reason now. Yes, she still gets upset when she doesn't get what she wants but really all I have to do is put her on my lap and explain nicely why I'm not giving it to her. When I'm done, I ask her "Ok Hana?" and she will always answer "Ok Mama", wipe the remainder of the tears and everything is okay again.
Ok so I don't know how to end this post. Talk about short attention span haha :P
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Hana and Problem-Solving
My daughter never fails to amaze me. I know I say that a lot but she's been doing that a lot more lately.
When she's not being difficult, she's one of the bubbliest, cheekiest little babies I've ever seen.
A few days ago, she questioned her dad with a "Kenapa?" when he asked her to do something. Looks like we'll be hit with the "Whys" very very soon.
But what astounded me even more was when we were at the Science Center (took her there on Sunday). There was a panel with some buttons on it which she desperately wanted to reach and press. It was a bit too high for her though, so she toddled over to the corner (where there were hula hoops and those mini colourful Ikea stools), picked up one of the stools, carried it over to the panel, set it carefully down in front of it and climbed on it, proceeded to happily press the buttons.
Her dad and I were both watching with our mouths open.
When she's not being difficult, she's one of the bubbliest, cheekiest little babies I've ever seen.
A few days ago, she questioned her dad with a "Kenapa?" when he asked her to do something. Looks like we'll be hit with the "Whys" very very soon.
But what astounded me even more was when we were at the Science Center (took her there on Sunday). There was a panel with some buttons on it which she desperately wanted to reach and press. It was a bit too high for her though, so she toddled over to the corner (where there were hula hoops and those mini colourful Ikea stools), picked up one of the stools, carried it over to the panel, set it carefully down in front of it and climbed on it, proceeded to happily press the buttons.
Her dad and I were both watching with our mouths open.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Heartbreaking
A few days ago, we were rocked by shocking news of how a 3-year old died after being left in the car by her mother for about 5 hours.
My reaction to the news came in stages. When I first read the headline, I was like "What the heck was the mother thinking?" then I read the whole story of how she had sent her sister over to the airport and had forgotten to send her sleeping baby to the nursery.
The circumstances under which she found her little girl at the end of the day was devastating, to say the least. Shock and anger, on my part quickly changed to disbelief, a dawning realization that I understood and finally, an unexpected grief and heartbreak - for her, for that poor little baby in the car, for her whole family.
While browsing, I found the photo of the little girl and I started crying. The poses she struck, how she looked, what she was doing in the photos, it could've been my baby. I went into my bedroom where my own little girl was sleeping peacefully and I lay down next to her, touching her hands and cheeks and wishing that I could give her the tightest hug ever right then and there, wishing I could just wake her up.
I cannot imagine how the mother must have felt. The guilt, the disbelief, the emptiness that must be plaguing her every waking and sleeping moment. The longing, perhaps, to just turn back that clock and do that day over again.
I cannot imagine what that little girl must've felt before she left us. We enter a hot car and within minutes we feel suffocated. This was 5 hours. Her thought processes, her emotions, thinking her mommy would come rescue her soon but no one showing up - too devastating to even think about.
Once, about a few months after Hana turned one, I had left her in the crib in order to fill water into her tub. She had been particularly difficult that morning and I thought that it would do me good to leave her there for a few minutes so that I could get this done and calm myself down. Walking back to the room to get her, I heard a loud 'thud', following by the scariest, loudest wailing noise I had ever heard from her.
She had somehow climbed over the barriers and fell to the floor. My guilt knew no boundary. I checked if there was any injury (thank Allah, there was none) and sat on the floor hugging her and wailed right along with her. After my own sobs had subsided and hers had stopped in confusion at why her mama was making that funny noise, I calmed down and called my husband. He came home, found me in a daze with hana clutched tightly in my grasp.
I cried that whole night and couldn't get a good night's sleep for a week, instead, spending those nights just gazing at her, furiously wiping the tears away when I thought about the pain and trauma she must've felt.
That is how a mother feels when her baby is hurt. How she feels when the baby gets hurt BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE DID.
Now multiply that by about a million. Which is probably how the mother of that baby feels right now.
Some "perfect parents with no children" - as someone described it to me on Twitter, and perhaps even some parents whose children had grown and had forgotten how challenging it is to raise a baby, or parents who have had it easy, have called for authorities to punish the mother for negligence.
When answered with "Hasn't she suffered enough? Isn't in punishment enough to have lost her precious baby?", they replied in the negatives.
Being a relatively new parent, I know all too well the fatigue that comes with it. Some days you're struggling to figure out how to tie your shoelaces. There are nights when your baby wakes up at an ungodly hour and only falls asleep after Subuh or minutes before your alarm clock rings.
Even my husband sometimes jolts himself on the highway to work, thinking he forgot to send my baby over to my mothers on days that she's supposed to go there, when he had just dropped her off 10 minutes prior. If you can make that kind of mistake, you can definitely make the reverse, which is something I even shudder to imagine.
We've all had one of those off days. We're just lucky enough that nothing this heartbreaking ever came out of them.
My reaction to the news came in stages. When I first read the headline, I was like "What the heck was the mother thinking?" then I read the whole story of how she had sent her sister over to the airport and had forgotten to send her sleeping baby to the nursery.
The circumstances under which she found her little girl at the end of the day was devastating, to say the least. Shock and anger, on my part quickly changed to disbelief, a dawning realization that I understood and finally, an unexpected grief and heartbreak - for her, for that poor little baby in the car, for her whole family.
While browsing, I found the photo of the little girl and I started crying. The poses she struck, how she looked, what she was doing in the photos, it could've been my baby. I went into my bedroom where my own little girl was sleeping peacefully and I lay down next to her, touching her hands and cheeks and wishing that I could give her the tightest hug ever right then and there, wishing I could just wake her up.
I cannot imagine how the mother must have felt. The guilt, the disbelief, the emptiness that must be plaguing her every waking and sleeping moment. The longing, perhaps, to just turn back that clock and do that day over again.
I cannot imagine what that little girl must've felt before she left us. We enter a hot car and within minutes we feel suffocated. This was 5 hours. Her thought processes, her emotions, thinking her mommy would come rescue her soon but no one showing up - too devastating to even think about.
Once, about a few months after Hana turned one, I had left her in the crib in order to fill water into her tub. She had been particularly difficult that morning and I thought that it would do me good to leave her there for a few minutes so that I could get this done and calm myself down. Walking back to the room to get her, I heard a loud 'thud', following by the scariest, loudest wailing noise I had ever heard from her.
She had somehow climbed over the barriers and fell to the floor. My guilt knew no boundary. I checked if there was any injury (thank Allah, there was none) and sat on the floor hugging her and wailed right along with her. After my own sobs had subsided and hers had stopped in confusion at why her mama was making that funny noise, I calmed down and called my husband. He came home, found me in a daze with hana clutched tightly in my grasp.
I cried that whole night and couldn't get a good night's sleep for a week, instead, spending those nights just gazing at her, furiously wiping the tears away when I thought about the pain and trauma she must've felt.
That is how a mother feels when her baby is hurt. How she feels when the baby gets hurt BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE DID.
Now multiply that by about a million. Which is probably how the mother of that baby feels right now.
Some "perfect parents with no children" - as someone described it to me on Twitter, and perhaps even some parents whose children had grown and had forgotten how challenging it is to raise a baby, or parents who have had it easy, have called for authorities to punish the mother for negligence.
When answered with "Hasn't she suffered enough? Isn't in punishment enough to have lost her precious baby?", they replied in the negatives.
Being a relatively new parent, I know all too well the fatigue that comes with it. Some days you're struggling to figure out how to tie your shoelaces. There are nights when your baby wakes up at an ungodly hour and only falls asleep after Subuh or minutes before your alarm clock rings.
Even my husband sometimes jolts himself on the highway to work, thinking he forgot to send my baby over to my mothers on days that she's supposed to go there, when he had just dropped her off 10 minutes prior. If you can make that kind of mistake, you can definitely make the reverse, which is something I even shudder to imagine.
We've all had one of those off days. We're just lucky enough that nothing this heartbreaking ever came out of them.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Offensive Posts
Hari ni tiba-tiba terfikir.
Dulu I joined those parenting groups. Niat nak menimba ilmu. Tapi bila dah tengok orang kutuk sana-sini, rasa macam kita ni mak yang tak sempurna. Kalau bagi susu formula tu macam dah teruk sangat la sebab tak usaha. Padahal diorang tak tau pun macam mana kita struggle nak bagi anak susu ibu. Kira bersyukur sangat anak kita dapat colostrum tu walaupun tak dapat nak susukan sampai 2 tahun. Dan bersyukur kita masih dapat bagi susu dekat anak kita walaupun bukan dari badan kita sendiri. Dia dapat jugak khasiat, dia tak kelaparan, dia membesar dengan sihat jugak macam anak orang lain.
Kalau bagi vaksin pun salah. Sebab dah terikut-ikut sangat apa yang kerajaan suruh buat. Kalau bawak pegi doktor pun tak betul. Sebab percaya sangat diorang, sedangkan diorang tu nak buat duit je. Macam-macam lah yang kita buat, serba tak kena.
So lama-lama rasa macam, tiap kali bukak je group mesti terasa. Mesti kecik hati. Padahal benda tu tak ditujukan kepada kita secara personal. Tapi tetap jugak kecik hati. Delete group satu-satu. Tak membantu pun. Ilmu yang dapat dekat situ boleh je cari kat Ms Google atau lebih baik lagi refer terus pada yang pakar.
So terfikir pulak harini. Kita terasa bila diorang cakap benda2 tu. walaupun tak tuju kat kita. habis bila kita cakap macam2 dekat blog, dekat twitter, dekat facebook, kita tak tau siapa yang terasa dengan kita.
Rasa takut pulak.
Ada jugak yang kata "I don't take responsibility for how you feel about what I say". Tapi bila fikir bab dosa pahala... Bayangkan kalau 10 orang terasa tiap2 kali kita post something dekat these social media websites. Bayangkan.
This serves as a reminder to myself to think a hundred times before posting something next time.
To anyone out there who reads my blog, anyone I've hurt or offended with any of my entries or with any posts I've published, be it here or in any of the websites I frequent, saya minta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive this flawed human being who sometimes slips when she gets too emotional or stressed out. If there ever comes a time when I intentionally or unintentionally post something hurtful or offensive, please leave a reminder. Help me become a better person.
Thank you.
Dulu I joined those parenting groups. Niat nak menimba ilmu. Tapi bila dah tengok orang kutuk sana-sini, rasa macam kita ni mak yang tak sempurna. Kalau bagi susu formula tu macam dah teruk sangat la sebab tak usaha. Padahal diorang tak tau pun macam mana kita struggle nak bagi anak susu ibu. Kira bersyukur sangat anak kita dapat colostrum tu walaupun tak dapat nak susukan sampai 2 tahun. Dan bersyukur kita masih dapat bagi susu dekat anak kita walaupun bukan dari badan kita sendiri. Dia dapat jugak khasiat, dia tak kelaparan, dia membesar dengan sihat jugak macam anak orang lain.
Kalau bagi vaksin pun salah. Sebab dah terikut-ikut sangat apa yang kerajaan suruh buat. Kalau bawak pegi doktor pun tak betul. Sebab percaya sangat diorang, sedangkan diorang tu nak buat duit je. Macam-macam lah yang kita buat, serba tak kena.
So lama-lama rasa macam, tiap kali bukak je group mesti terasa. Mesti kecik hati. Padahal benda tu tak ditujukan kepada kita secara personal. Tapi tetap jugak kecik hati. Delete group satu-satu. Tak membantu pun. Ilmu yang dapat dekat situ boleh je cari kat Ms Google atau lebih baik lagi refer terus pada yang pakar.
So terfikir pulak harini. Kita terasa bila diorang cakap benda2 tu. walaupun tak tuju kat kita. habis bila kita cakap macam2 dekat blog, dekat twitter, dekat facebook, kita tak tau siapa yang terasa dengan kita.
Rasa takut pulak.
Ada jugak yang kata "I don't take responsibility for how you feel about what I say". Tapi bila fikir bab dosa pahala... Bayangkan kalau 10 orang terasa tiap2 kali kita post something dekat these social media websites. Bayangkan.
This serves as a reminder to myself to think a hundred times before posting something next time.
To anyone out there who reads my blog, anyone I've hurt or offended with any of my entries or with any posts I've published, be it here or in any of the websites I frequent, saya minta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive this flawed human being who sometimes slips when she gets too emotional or stressed out. If there ever comes a time when I intentionally or unintentionally post something hurtful or offensive, please leave a reminder. Help me become a better person.
Thank you.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Of Parenting
It's not easy, let me tell you.
Not that I don't love it. I do, don't get me wrong. It's worth it to wake up early everyday, having her smile sweetly at me and say "Hi sayang! Hi Mama!".
To have to rush here and there in the morning to make her breakfast, get her bathed and comfy and playing ball on demand or letting her watch her favourite shows, if only to have her run up to me, put her little arms around my neck and give me a huge wet kiss on the lips.
The stressful moments are forgotten at one simple smile or word or hug (or ''ag!" as she would say it).
But it's not easy.
There are times when I feel like I'm going to drop to the floor at the end of each day. Times when Epol walks in the door only to have me hand Hana over immediately before he can even recuperate from work.
Times when we argue over how to discipline, how to feed her, how to cook for her. I have my ways and he has his. She's too young to be disciplined. If we don't discipline her now, she's going to get spoiled. She can't eat those cookies, she won't be able to sleep later. Yes but she deserves a treat every now and then.
There are times when we can't seem to agree on anything.
And yet it's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done.
There are days when I can't wait to have my mother babysit her so I can concentrate on my studies.
And yet I miss her 5 minutes after she leaves the house with daddy.
Maybe it's the hugs she gave me before she left, or those kisses, or the way she kissed my hand after 'salam-ing' it, or that flying kiss she sent my way right before entering the lifts. Perhaps it's even the adorable way she says "Bye bye Mama!" repeatedly. But I miss her.
Still, it's not easy.
Not that I don't love it. I do, don't get me wrong. It's worth it to wake up early everyday, having her smile sweetly at me and say "Hi sayang! Hi Mama!".
To have to rush here and there in the morning to make her breakfast, get her bathed and comfy and playing ball on demand or letting her watch her favourite shows, if only to have her run up to me, put her little arms around my neck and give me a huge wet kiss on the lips.
The stressful moments are forgotten at one simple smile or word or hug (or ''ag!" as she would say it).
But it's not easy.
There are times when I feel like I'm going to drop to the floor at the end of each day. Times when Epol walks in the door only to have me hand Hana over immediately before he can even recuperate from work.
Times when we argue over how to discipline, how to feed her, how to cook for her. I have my ways and he has his. She's too young to be disciplined. If we don't discipline her now, she's going to get spoiled. She can't eat those cookies, she won't be able to sleep later. Yes but she deserves a treat every now and then.
There are times when we can't seem to agree on anything.
And yet it's the most fulfilling thing I've ever done.
There are days when I can't wait to have my mother babysit her so I can concentrate on my studies.
And yet I miss her 5 minutes after she leaves the house with daddy.
Maybe it's the hugs she gave me before she left, or those kisses, or the way she kissed my hand after 'salam-ing' it, or that flying kiss she sent my way right before entering the lifts. Perhaps it's even the adorable way she says "Bye bye Mama!" repeatedly. But I miss her.
Still, it's not easy.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Hitting a Brick Wall
I have to say this.
I hate where I am, academically. I had a chance for something big but I blew it and now I'm stuck at square one, unable to progress anywhere.
People always say that when you're a postgraduate, you have to fend for yourself, nobody is gonna help you if you don't help yourselves. Your supervisor is there but you have to do everything. They're just there to observe.
I disagree. I say that if we were so capable of producing research papers on our own, why would we even need to enroll in a university? Why pay thousands each semester just to do everything on our own?
I don't think supervisors should sit back and wait for our progress. I think they should check, be concerned, yell if they have to.
Why need universities if that's what PG is all about? Suffice to have a board that's in charge of going through these papers. Just send it in, present and that's it. Pay a submission fee.
Supervisors get paid to lead and help and assist in any way they can. Why leave students hanging in the wind with no direction to go?
At this point in time, I want nothing more than to just cry, cry and cry. And quit. Time is running out and I just wanna run off and forget I even had this stupid idea in the first place.
I hate where I am, academically. I had a chance for something big but I blew it and now I'm stuck at square one, unable to progress anywhere.
People always say that when you're a postgraduate, you have to fend for yourself, nobody is gonna help you if you don't help yourselves. Your supervisor is there but you have to do everything. They're just there to observe.
I disagree. I say that if we were so capable of producing research papers on our own, why would we even need to enroll in a university? Why pay thousands each semester just to do everything on our own?
I don't think supervisors should sit back and wait for our progress. I think they should check, be concerned, yell if they have to.
Why need universities if that's what PG is all about? Suffice to have a board that's in charge of going through these papers. Just send it in, present and that's it. Pay a submission fee.
Supervisors get paid to lead and help and assist in any way they can. Why leave students hanging in the wind with no direction to go?
At this point in time, I want nothing more than to just cry, cry and cry. And quit. Time is running out and I just wanna run off and forget I even had this stupid idea in the first place.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)