Being new parents is not easy for the both of us. Every second of every minute of every hour of the day (for me at least) is spent theorizing or guessing what Hana's actions are trying to tell me, what she needs, what I should do to make her more comfortable, what I SHOULDN'T do to spoil her.
And so, undeniably we've had a lot of help - from experienced mothers, new mothers and even single friends who've had experience with babies or had watched others take care of them. All of which we listen to, consider and, depending on rational it sounds and how it fits into our plan for Hana, either take or discard. That's not to say that we don't appreciate every single piece of advice. We do. We just take them with a pinch of salt.
But then there are those who presume the worst of us. They seem to imply, with their every word and action, that we know nothing about our baby. True, we've only been at it for 3 months and true that we haven't had any prior experience - but to imply that they know our baby better than we do? Well, that's certainly overly presumptuous.
Repeatedly saying things like "She wants to be picked up, why aren't you picking her up?" while she's being cranky, when really, all my baby wants is for the lot of you to leave her alone, for you to give her back her pacifier and get those damn cameras out of her face, you're being presumptuous.
Chiding us time and time again for putting her down immediately when she falls asleep, and telling us how you hold her for hours and hours when you get the chance to babysit really doesn't help. In fact, what you (again) presume as "help" is really a hindrance. At the end of the day, Hana isn't your child. You may be related, yes, but I carried her for nine months, I went through the morning sickness, back pains, sleepless nights and I gained a gazillion kgs and I went through almost 10 hours of labour. I suffered through cracked nipples, engorgement, and WE go through sleepless nights and restless days just to make sure she's always comfortable. Not you. WE'RE her parents. We know her best, and we know best how to raise our child. We just don't have the luxury of making her think she'll be carried in our arms all the time. Maybe I'm able to do that now, at the expense of house chores and cooking and washing and cleaning, but what about when I start to work? Who's going to do the holding?
Help and advice? We certainly appreciate. Just don't be a hindrance and we'll do fine.
