Discovering myself

So here's the thing.

I've lived my whole life being this insecure person who wants the whole world to like her. I looked at people who had the guts to tell someone what for and I yearned to be like them but I just couldn't.

And so, relationship after relationship, friendship after friendship, I lived as a self-proclaimed, self-ordained doormat and I have no one to blame but myself. Because I chose to let people walk over me.

After my life turned upside down a few years ago, I vowed to myself that that would've been the last time I sunk that low, but still certain actions affected me in ways I wished they wouldn't.

I started going for therapy again, and I'm happy to say that this time, I've gotten to the core of what's really bothering me - ME.

So I'm done putting myself down, thinking that I'm not good enough. I'm a good mother and god knows I try my best to be a good person, but after years and years of living for the approval of other people, I want to live for me. I want to stop putting impossible standards on myself and then beating myself up for failing to live up to them. I want to move on, I want to let go of that insecure little girl living inside of me all this time.

And so here it is: I'm not the same person I was a few years ago. I will not run to someone to try and get them back when they're the ones who've made mistakes or hurt me. If they come back on their own then my doors are always open because that's a part of me I don't think I'll ever change, but I will not chase after them.

It's not that I've stopped caring. I just feel that it's time that I care for myself (and my family) more.