It's been so long since I've written anything. You have no idea how many times I've opened up the compose page and started writing, get a couple of paragraphs in only to point my mouse on the exit button without finishing.
It's a little disturbing to me, given that I used to be able to compose in a heartbeat and still end up with a semi-decent post. I think I've lost the ability, and maybe even the passion somewhere along the way.
So many things have happened in the last couple of years.
I got a beautiful baby girl (duh), got an amazing job, quit for my studies (and still regretting it everyday), and I still have yet to get anywhere with my thesis. The original reason I quit was to get further than I would otherwise, but looking at how slow my progress is, I might have to be content with finishing what I started and thinking about the next step later. I know this is really vague, but I think those who know me personally will know what I'm talking about.
It's so hard. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of so many things. What I want, what I love about my life, what I should be doing, what I would be if I had or hadn't done some things.
If.
Such a dirty word for someone like me.
I wouldn't trade my life for anything, and yet I still wonder what if.
So many people are convinced that I will make something out of what I have and pull myself and my family up.
I wish I had their confidence.
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