Visitors

We're getting visitors tonight!

It's almost like a mini holiday, haha, esp if u've seen my mom-in-law's place. I'm kinda excited, cuz I really need this after a stressful couple of months. :)

Nak letak gambar my kesayangans kat sini but two of us dah bertudung litup and belum ambik a new picture sama2, so nantilah ek? hehe.

On to Better Things

After 5 years, I've decided to put on the tudung again. I've had my share of perceived fun and freedom (and it's true, a non tudung wearer does have more fun and a lot more freedom compared to someone who does) but now I'm married (almost 3 years) and we're trying to conceive and if I intend on being a role model to my kids, something has to change.

The decision didn't come easy, though. I thought hard about it over almost two months. The desire came sometime in the beginning of Ramadhan, but I wasn't sure. As most people who knows me are aware, I used to wear the tudung for a while, but decided to take it off. I did not want history to repeat itself, and so I decided to sit on it.
There were some things I thought I wanted to do first before I did it.

I know some would say that that type of change doesn't come from the heart. That to be truly 'ikhlas' I should have just woken up one day and done it without thinking about anything else. I disagree. I know myself. When it comes to decisions, my strongest comes after a lot of thinking, not a spur of the moment thing. Honestly, been there, done that. I was at Matriculation and I had to put on the tudung, and I just thought "I'm just gonna put it on, since I already have it on". Clearly, that didn't work and my decision was shortlived. So here, I want to clarify for anyone who might think that my decision is not ikhlas, I believe that mine was very much so, simply because I deemed it too important to just do. Simply because I wanted to think about it and deliberate, and BE ABSOLUTELY SURE. And now I am.

I never ever anticipated the overwhelming response I received: From my husband, mom and my sisters, to my mother-in-law, to two of my best friends, Baya and Julie (who, coincidentally, was struggling to make the same decisions as well) and to an unexpected source of encouragement, someone who I had just met sometime in July, Adnin.

I received links, support, encouragement, shopping trips and styling tips. And all this was before I put it on!

And when I finally made this decision, I received compliments and hugs. Although I was terrified and worried that I wouldn't be able to cope, the support I received has made me even surer than ever that this is the path I want to and should take.

Hopefully, with this change, I'm moving on to better things.

The Past, Present and Future

Someone from the past came back into my life a few days ago. I'm happy to say that I managed to put it all behind us and accept what happened as fate leading me to another direction. And I'm comfortable with where going right now, and the person I'm going with. :)

Currently, my appetite has returned with a huge boom! Ermm, not exactly. I can eat a full meal now, but I no longer feel hungry every 2 hours, and the portions that I'm able to eat are enough that I don't feel like a pig. That probably means that my hormone levels are back to normal :). I've started swimming again, which is great because I need some exercise after the ridiculously long recovery time from the first surgery.

I'm also happy to say that we've decided to start a little family of our own. However, due to the near future plans, which we've already put cash into, it's gonna have to wait until at least a few months more. Till then, I have Langkawi to look forward to, and hopefully, my masters in a few months time, assuming I get accepted.

Life is great.

A Special Shout Out

Yesterday, I went to Low Yatt to help a friend buy his new computer. That's not the point of this post.

The point is, whenever some idiot or asshole did something stupid, he'd look at me and say "Zurin, you should blog about it". And whenever HE'D say something silly, he'd look at me and say "Zurin, don't blog about this ah?" as if I blog about everything that happens in my life.

It got to a point that he mentioned my blog so many times, that I decided, he deserves a special entry.

So this shoutout is to Lampi - one of my best, albeit blog-paranoid friends. :)

Happy Lamps? HAHA.

P/S: PLEASE utilise that new customised PC of yours and update your blog a bit more.. Dah bercobweb kot.

Of babies and being pregnant

For the past few months, I have been obsessed with looking at photos of a certain adorable little munchkin. Those who know me personally probably know exactly which little diva I'm talking about aye?

Anyway, that's not the point of this post, and before random, overexcited people decide to succumb to those tendencies before even reading this post, I AM NOT PREGNANT. :)

Ever since I got married, I've been PLAGUED with questions of when I intend on getting a little one of my own. I've never really been able to answer the questions since I am not sure myself. What I AM sure of is I am REALLY not ready to be raising a child. Not at my age, financial situation or maturity.

The worst is when, two weeks into my new life, my psycho of an aunt asked me (in a very rude manner, smirking her ass off) "Kau dah bunting ke belum?". Two weeks. I repeat, two weeks after I got married. Obviously, my being married at that so-called young age, and the fact that my family and I kept the wedding plans away from some of my relatives until a few months before the fact prompted the idiot to think that I might have gotten married semi-shotgun. Needless to say, for people like her, there are reasons why we keep some stuff to ourselves.

Back to the topic, up until now, people seem to be waiting with bated breath. Whenever I call in sick, whenever I feel nauseous, whenever I feel like eating something special, whenever I'm slightly late.

Obviously, I do want a baby. In fact, my biological clock is already ticking. Especially when I saw this little darling with her (as described by momma) big round hazel eyes :

*Picture stolen from her mummy


Not now, darlings, not now. I have a world of opportunities waiting out there. I still need to get the career of my dreams. I want to travel. I want to do things I've dreamt of since I was a little girl. I want to spend time with hubby before I have to share him with someone else. I want to learn to salsa. I want to write about my adventures.

I need to establish myself. I need to get my masters and who knows what else?

There's so many things left to do that I'm afraid I might not be able to with a little darling in tow. And if that makes me selfish, then I guess so be it.

I'll get there, I promise. And when I do, you guys will be the first people to know about it. I'll send out a mass email or sms with the good news, and the little baby up there will have a friend for life. Hehe.

But until then, this is me. This is us.

A quick, incoherent one

So many things have happened just over the past week and I'm really lost for words right now. I owe some people explanations over my 'mysterious' deleted post, but then tired and takde masa lah bebs. I promise I'll update you guys as soon as the weekend comes sebab I'll finally be able to get a breather then.

Anyway, sometimes I think I'm too gullible. My husband tries to convince me that I'm just someone who likes to think that people are basically good and can be trusted, but it's still a nice way of saying that I'm too gullible. LOL. There's only so far optimism and idealism can go, but you're still gonna have to wake up and smell the manure some day, and apparently, I prefer to have rude awakenings again and again, because this week alone, it's been happening a LOT.

Then again, I remember that I'm entering a new (EXHAUSTING) phase of life where these petty things don't really matter anymore (except when it suddenly happens at the office, god forbid)and I leave it behind at home while I'm there working my butt off. And I suppose for a while, everything's okay again.

And then I go home.

It's an endless circle that I can't seem to break, but I'm pretty sure I will someday. I just need you people (you know who you are) to stand around (kalau jauh2 tu pon takpe nak stand around. Nak sit pon bley, for the one who's expecting tu, hehe) and be patient while I try to let go of this phase, like you always do.

Choose Wisely

Sometimes, I don't understand men. I'm married to one, yes, obviously, but I'd have to say that he's not very typical. I understand him better than I do most other men and yet there are still some thing about him that my simpleton mind is unable to grasp. Like how he insists on chucking all his dirty laundry on the floor. Or how he can spend hours and hours in front of the computer/laptop (yes, he has both) playing a game or reading comics without getting hungry or tired or sleepy.

Regardless of this, I am still very thankful for the fact that I have him and no one else (I am talking as if other people would actually want me.LOL) simply for the fact that he is a MAN. Not a boy.

Here are the differences between men and boys.

1. A MAN breaks up with you when he no longer thinks the relationship is working. A BOY simply disappears and makes excuses while he leaves you hanging.

I've witnessed this countless of times before. People, if you don't want her anymore, then let her go. Don;t leave her there wondering what's going on, if the relationship is still going strong and if so, why you don't seem to want to contact her. It's just distasteful. Set her free so that she can find a new life and hopefully, someone MUCH better than you who actually treats her like a human being.

And girls, please. If the boyfriend refuses to grow some balls and make some decisions, you HAVE to do it. Give him an ultimatum. Buck up or get out. Pure and simple. I'm a girl too. I realise how difficult it is to let go of someone you (think?) you love but sometimes, you have to be selfish and think "I am better than that. I'm better than him".

2. A MAN treats you like a woman should be treated. A BOY treats you like a toy/pet.

This is, in theory, not a very difficult concept to grasp but people seem to have problems with it anyway. It's simple: If he calls you only when he's bored, takes you out only when it suits him, talk to you only when there's absolutely no one else to talk to, he's a boy.

Retreat slowly, and when he's not looking, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

3. A MAN puts you at the top of his list of priorities. Expect to be way below on a Boy's. His friends WILL come first.

True story. This one guy I know treats us (his friends) like queens/kings. He's nice, approachable, always there for us, is concerned to the point of being slightly ridiculous. Basically, he's someone who I KNOW would wake up at 3 AM, get out of bed and come to my rescue if I called him in distress.

And yet, when he's with his girlfriend, he's so different it's mind boggling. The way he looks at her, the way he treats her, the way he TALKS to her. It's like she's the most unimportant thing in his life.

How do I put this BOY in the same league as the person I know? I don't. There's FRIEND and there's BOY. They're two totally different entities that share the same body to me.

4. A MAN reassures you when you're being insecure and paranoid. A BOY just gets offended and snaps your head off.

It's real simple. Everyone has their insecurities. If you're matured enough to understand that you'll deal with it tastefully instead of losing your head and being a delinquent about it.

All a woman needs is reassurance that she's still the most important person in your life and that you have eyes only for her. No need to accuse her to not trusting you, or of being clingy (unless she really is).

5. A MAN stays true. A BOY cheats.

Boys will have many excuses for this, ranging from "I was never happy!" to "I'm bored" to "menyampah" to "They each have what the other doesn't. I can't let go, I love them both"


Girls, if you're in a realtionship with a BOY, reconsider, PLEASE. It's not worth it. Really.

After 4 years

Today, I said goodbye to a dear friend, whom I've known for four whole years.

We became friends even before I got to know my husband, and have stayed close for the whole of my duration in college. He was there for me when I was at my lowest, always knew when I felt sad and helped another person (who is also far away) pick me up during those times when I was down.

I know Kedah isn't that far away (compared to Paris, where the other dear friend is now forging a new life for herself), and that I can visit anytime I choose, but given my financial status right now, it seems just as distant. The way I felt while I said goodbye today wasn't at all different than the way I did when I sent off (figuratively speaking, I didn't really send her off at the airport) my friend who was bound for France. The sadness was the same, because although I know we'll be able to visit, and they will one day come back to KL, I realise that I won't be able to call them out whenever I please or laugh with them face to face whenever I feel down or miss them.

I know my posts have been quite jiwang lately. Do bear with me. I'm bound for change, something I've always had to adjust to quite slowly.

So anyway, to those two who helped pick me up those not so distant 2 1/2 years ago, let's not let these years of friendship stop at four yeah? I'd like you guys to see my future babies, and I'd like to see you get married (Kepah) and your first babies (both of you) and I'd love for our kids to be friends and play with each other. LOL.