Challenged

Every once in a while, I look at everything around me and wonder what exactly it is I am doing here. This isn't exactly my dream job, although its got potential. Every time my boss gives me a new assignment, I have the urge to run away, because I am terrified of not being able to live up to his, or even MY OWN expectations.

I know my learning curve is so high right now it amazes even me, but I am scared. I want to run home and hide under the covers and never come out. The prospect of life just terrifies me. The thought of having to spend it here terrifies me even more, and the thought of going off and doing something else, continuing my studies or having kids or working elsewhere scares me most of all. We're all terrified of the unknown, but sometimes I wish I wasn't.

I see people leading their lives seemingly with ease and all the confidence in the world and I wish I was like them, although I know that deep inside, they must be as scared as I am. I want to stick around, for at least a year. I want stay still like the proverbial stone and gather all the moss I can in order for me to advance to the next phase of my life. I want to be able to go to work each morning with the confidence of someone who knows exactly what she is doing, and is not scared of doing it.

For that, I need staying power. It's true what they say. Running away is easy. Staying put, now that's the real challenge.