Again

Something happened recently. I can't say what it is here since it's too personal, but you know when you watch continuing tv series telenovelas and stuff like that?

A huge villain or troublemaker comes around and disrupts everyone's lives and everybody has to work hard to get through all the trouble that he/she makes? All the conflict and the heartache and the pain. Well, usually, on tv, at some point, the conflict gets resolved and they managed to drive away the bad force that has made a chaos out of their lives.

But then when everything is good and well, obviously, tv-land needs controversy and excitement to survive, and suddenly, the villain comes back and throws everything into mayhem again.

This is what is happening for me. Again. I remember how weak I was when I had to go through this before. How much I felt like running away, and how CLOSE I actually was to surrendering and doing exactly what this thing wanted me to do. How close I was to throwing away everything I had just to let go of the pain it caused me.

I hope that this time around, I'm stronger and that I face this with more maturity than I did the last time. I need to, because I can't guarantee how far it will go this time.